A collection of Federer as Chuck Norris jokes for your general amusement. Take this light-heartedly folks. It’s not meant as a dig at other players, which unfortunately some freaks in tennis fandom are often only too eager to interpret as.
And feel free to send in more, provided they’re not too naughty. 
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1. ROGER Federer is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his forehand and backhand respectively.
2. IF paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?
Answer: Roger Federer.
3. IF, by some incredible space-time paradox, Roger Federer would ever play himself in a best of 5 set match at Wimbledon, he’d win. Period.
4. ROGER Federer is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn with his forehand. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
5. ROGER Federer is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
6. WHEN Roger Federer sends in his tax return, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, ready to hit a forehand.
Roger Federer has not had to pay taxes, ever.
7. SOMEONE once tried to tell Roger Federer that his forehand wasn’t the best shot in the history of tennis. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
8. THERE are no steroids in tennis, just players Roger Federer has breathed on.
9. IF tapped, the power generated by a Roger Federer forehand could power the country of Switzerland for 44 minutes.
10. THE First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets Roger Federer on the tennis court.
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11. ROGER Federer is so fast, he can run around the world and still hit his own forehand back to himself.
12.ROGERFederer’s forehand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
13. SCIENTISTS have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1RFF (Roger Federer Forehand)
14. NEWTON’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Roger Federer forehand.
15. THE other night in Time’s Square, Roger Federer ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got one.
16. IT is scientifically impossible for Roger Federer to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
17. THERE’s an order to the universe: (1) space, (2) time, (3) Roger Federer…. Heh-heh. Just kidding. Roger Federer is first.
18. THE air around Roger Federer is always a balmy 78 degrees.
19. ROGER Federer can get Blackjack with just one card.
20. BIGFOOT takes pictures of Roger Federer.
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21. ROGER Federer once hit a forehand so hard that the tennis ball broke the speed of light, went back in time, and struck Amelia Earhart’s plane while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Mystery solved.
22.ROGER Federer doesn’t churn butter. He hits forehands at the cows and the butter comes straight out.
23. FASTER than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Roger Federer’s warm-up exercises.
24. SUPERMAN once watched a replay of the 2005 Wimbledon Final. He then cried himself to sleep.
25. AS President Roosevelt once said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And playing Roger Federer.”
26. HE who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Roger Federer, dies by the forehand.
27. THERE are two types of people in the world… people that suck, and Roger Federer.
28.ROGER Federer doesn’t daydream. He’s too busy giving the other ATP players nightmares.
29. ROGER Federer is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
30. ONE night, Andy Roddick dreamed he beat Roger Federer in straight sets to win Wimbledon. The next morning he called Roger Federer up to apologize.
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31. WHEN you say “no one’s perfect”, Roger Federer takes this as a personal insult.
32. THE Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Roger Federer forehand. They didn’t even come close.
33. THERE are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Roger Federer.
34. SUPERMAN only has two weaknesses. The first is Kryptonite. And the second, Roger Federer’s forehand.
35. THE sound of Roger Federer missing a forehand can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never missed.
36. ROGER Federer can divide by zero with his slice. The result? Pain.
37. IT’s rumored that Rod Laver has a poster of Roger Federer over HIS bed.
38. ROGER Federer once shot down a fighter plane. He did so by pantomiming a forehand and yelling, “Bang!”
39. THE Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until a Roger Federer forehand knocked one of the corners off.
40.ROGER Federer can hold serve at love. He can do so only serving three times.
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41. LOVE does not hurt. Playing Roger Federer does.
42. THE moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit Earth… then a Roger Federer forehand knocked it into orbit.
43. THE Hubble Space Telescope was misaligned off the bounce of a Roger Federer kickserve.
44. WHEN Roger Federer plays tennis, he only hits with 1% of his full power. At 2%, the ball would explode on impact with his racquet. At 3%, people die. At 100% Chuck Norris would lose all 6 testicles.
45. A forehand delivered by Roger Federer is the preferred method of execution in 17 states and 3 countries.
46. EVERY time Roger Federer drills a forehand, he finds oil.
47. WHEN Ivan Lendl hits you with his forehand, you get knocked down. When Roger Federer hits you with his forehand, you actually won’t get knocked down… but as you look down at your chest, you will notice a hole the size of a tennis ball.
48. NOTHING can escape the gravity of a black hole, except Roger Federer. Roger Federer can serve and volley out of anything.
49. EVERY time you return a forehand from Roger Federer, you lose one full year of life expectancy.
50. CONTRARY to popular belief, hurricanes are not caused by heat energy from the ocean, but by Roger Federer practicing his strokes.
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51. BUSH and Blair had it all wrong when they attacked Iraq. Roger Federer has all the weapons of mass destruction.
52. BILLIONS upon billions of US Dollars were spent on the development of an anti-ballistic missile defense shield when all they needed was Roger Federer.
53. ROGER Federer hits a forehand so clean you can eat off of it.
54. SINCE 1981, the year Roger Federer was born, topspin forehand related deaths have increased 13,000%.
55.ROGER Federer went back in time to stop the JFK assassination by using his faster than light forehand. As Oswald shot, Federer volleyed all three bullets away. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
56. DARTH Sideous could never turn Roger Federer to the Darkside. Roger Federer is just too good.
57. MCDONALD’s has served billions and billions. Roger Federer can out-serve McDonald’s.
58. IN war, nobody wins… unless you’re Roger Federer on any given Sunday.
59. THE saddest part of an ATP pro’s life is not when he learns that Santa isn’t real, but when he finds out Roger Federer is.
60. ‘ICY-Hot’ is too weak for Roger Federer. After a workout, he sprays himself with liquid nitrogen. He waits a few moments and then rubs his muscles with liquid-hot magma.
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61. WHENEVER you see a great shot during a tennis match not involving Roger Federer, just remember this. Federer could have hit it even better.
62.ROGER Federer doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the world down.
63. IF you’re an ATP player, the only sure things in life are death, taxes, and that you’ll lose to Roger Federer.
64. THERE are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds; and a Roger Federer forehand.
65. ALIENS DO indeed exist. It’s just that they play tennis, and know better than to visit a planet that Roger Federer is on.
66. WHEN Federer hits a hard forehand, it is not Federer groaning. It is the earth groaning.
67. ROGER Federer once hit a shot so beautiful everyone on the planet orgasmed at once.
68. WHEN playing a tournament in the U.S., Roger Federer must register his serve and groundstrokes as lethal weapons.
69. SOME people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris wears Roger Federer pajamas.
70. ROGER Federer could not become a professional swimmer. When he stepped into the pool, the water got out of his way and he simply walks across the pool floor.
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71. THE pain of Roger Federer’s Wimbledon 2008 loss resulted in global depression.
72. ROGER Federer and Rafael Nadal once walked into a bar together. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of win cannot be contained in one building.
73. UPON inspection under a microscope, Roger Federer’s chest hairs turned out to be not hairs after all, but wild flowers.
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