Montreal Day 5: Dootsie is losing her mojo.
Peek-a-boo Jojo: REUTERS/Shaun Best
What is happening to me?
Roger Federer lost in Montreal after being up 5-1 in the third set, and all I feel is a hint of annoyance over the way he lost, and not even the fact that he did. I didn’t tear my hair out, frantically compose a eulogy, throw my Federbear out the window or tell Roger to eat my shoe.
In fact, the most angry thing I’ve said about Federer today is that I hope Charlene poops on him. But he’ll probably like it, being the fat lump of putty that he is.
Have I lost my touch as a Federer fan? Where did my fretful frazzles go? Did you steal them, Nole fans?
More importantly, what’s wrong with YOU fellow Federer fans! (And don’t be offended that I assumed you were a Federer fan, you’re friggin reading this blog, of course you’re a bloody Federer fan). Why aren’t you all crying a river? Or petitioning Roger to get a coach?
Eat my shoe! Matthew Stockman/Getty Images
Never fear, I will not let myself get into a fan-slump! Dootsie will be back to her normal freak-out schedule next week in Cincinnati.
In fact, why don’t we start now: “ZOMG, Roger has Murray AND Roddick in his section of the draw next week! But wait, he’s going to lose to Acasuso before then. ARGH!”
See? That sounded so much more like me, no? Geez Louise, keep up with the times folks – zen is like, so two-weeks-ago?!
Here’s Roger’s oversimplified version of events:
“It’s obviously disappointing but you know, that’s what Jo does—he doesn’t make a return for an hour and then he puts in a few and than all of a sudden he’s back in the match,” Federer said. “I should never have allowed it but it happened, so it’s a pity.”
“It’s great to get some matches in ahead of Cincinnati and the U.S. Open,” Federer said. “But my goal wasn’t to just to play matches and do press conferences. The whole trip here was to do well and try to win the tournament.”
Well, at least he had the right attitude about trying to win.
Oh shut up Dootsie! What am I, trying to compliment him now? Don’t roll your eyes, I am just as disgusted with my lack of critical angst.
The Real World No 2: REUTERS/Shaun Best
In other matches, Rafa lost to del Potro, which the vast majority of people (apart from me apparently) predicted to happen. Del Poopoo, unlike Roger, was able to close out a 5-1 lead and take the match 7-6 6-1. Dude’s not doing anything wrong at the moment, even if he bores the living daylights out of me.
Muz won too, against Davo.
Yeah let’s move on. I don’t want to think about the dystopia in which Toothface lives one spot above Rafa.
It was a bad day at the office to Djokovic too, who lost to Andy Roddick in straight sets, 6-4 7-6.
Over the last 18 months, Novak Djokovic has somehow managed to slump from “the Australian Open champ”, to “the perennial semifinalist“, to “Jo-Willy Tsonga’s bitch“, to “momentarily the second best player on clay“, to “the quarterfinals or earlier guy“, and now to “three times Andy Roddick’s bridesmaid“.
I don’t know what’s going on with Nole. Right now, I don’t even have the indecency to keep calling him a “Stinkface” anymore. You don’t kick a player when he’s down. Moronic as I may be, but Dootsie still has her “fan morals”, okay?
I don’t wish Novak Djokovic pain, unless Roger Federer’s standing on the other side of the net.
An unsatisfactory day of tennis all round for Doots, unfortunately, I think it’s likely to continue. As much as I like both Roddick and del Potro as endearing fellow human beings, I don’t care much for their tennis. And as for Jojo – he might get on a roll and take a set, and I don’t see him as being capable of sustaining it against Murray for 3 sets. Surprise me, why don’t you?