Tokyo: So who wants to play tennis?
Dinara Safina: OUT.
Venus Williams: OUT.
Elena Dementieva: OUT.
Svetlana Kuznetsova: OUT.
Caroline Wozniacki: OUT.
Vera Zvonareva: OUT.
Flavia Pennetta: OUT.
Nadia Petrova: OUT.
Ana Ivanovic: OUT.
Hardly excusable for any of these players. With the exception of CWoz and Flavia, none of them made it beyond 4th round at the US Open. Even with an extended break, none of them came to Tokyo with any sort of mindset to win either.
So who actually wants to play tennis?
Maria Sharapova does. With a performance so awesome I had to do a shrieky rendition of “SEE YOU SOOOOON/ON THE MOOOOON” to celebrate.
Stung by her own fault-fest against Oudin at the US Open, Masha Fierce has reverted back to her old serve in Tokyo. I sure hope she’s is doing it with the approval of her doctors, and not just out of frustration with the changed service motion.
On the plus side, so far the old serve is working for her. Only one double fault (7 aces, 71% first serves) in her 6-0 6-1 thumping of Sam Stosur. Never mind that Stosur couldn’t make a first serve to save her puppy’s life, Masha Fierce played the sort of scintillating, “allez-up-your-f$cking-ass” tennis that saw her win 3 slams by the age of 21.
Knowing that Shazza is only capable of wining slams in even-numbered years, I’d say things are looking good for 2010. Just goes to show – don’t tinker with your serve, gals, even if it was for perfectly legitimate, shoulder-related reasons.
ARE YOU LISTENING Justine?!
A less shinier performance by Lena D, who had ONE miracle serving day at Wimbledon this year, missed her chance there, and has since gone back to serve purgatory.
With 10 DFs, Horseface completed an embarrassing performance against KBond, brainfarting through the third set to lose 26 76 16. Color me unimpressed.
Don’t call on JJ to ‘save the tour’, but hell, she’s one of the few seeds who actually came to play tennis, taking a 3 set victory over Sabine Licky. Ironically, unlike some of the duds that took out the other slamless wonders, Sabine would’ve been a perfectly legitimate giant-killer for JJ to lose to.
Not the cleanest match, but the level was certainly within expectations. Barring her US Open performance, JJ seemed to be on her way back from the ‘Inferno of Lost Souls’ during the summer hard court season.
It seems like she’s continuing exactly where she left off, regaining her movement, strengthening those powderpuff serves and working on her forehand.
Now gimme more body glitter and happy splits, biatch. Who wants to play tennis?