What they wore: Maria Sharapova.
To be honest, tennis this week has been largely uninspiring. Olivier Rochus is in another ATP final, but who the fuck cares?
Can we stop pretending that tennis without Federer or Nadal can still be awesome and look back instead at some of the outfits of the season? Starting Masha Fierce, whose season is essentially over, save for a few exhos in South America:
At some point, Nike needs to stop trying so hard with Maria Sharapova. The fact that Sharapova can wear a blue slip on court and still rock the house is credit to her, not to the designers at Nike, who wouldn’t know the concept of “overkill” if it hit them in the face with a gold murse.
But I digress, here are Sharapova’s outfits from the 2009 season:
Indian Wells: Barbie Sighting #1
First Sharapova sighting of the year, where she played doubles with ‘Lena Vee. One of her more understated and better outfits of the year.
Warsaw: Barbie Sighting #2
A more “sunshine-daisies” version of her Indian Wells dress.
Despite being one of the most feisty ladies of the WTA tour, Nike insists on dressing Sharapova like a pretty little Barbie doll. Hey, whatever works for them right?
Not a bad design, but the frilly bits around the waistline is neither here nor there.
French Open/Birmingham: Cow on ice
Tiers are a good idea in theory. But anyone who’s studied any form of theory would know how ‘practical’ they generally turn out to be. The problem, as many have pointed out, is that this dress sagged and looked more like something an ice-skater would wear.
That said, perhaps it’s only appropriate for a girl who claimed she feels like a cow on ice on clay. And being the most clumsy person in the world, I can totally related: that’s how I feel on solid ground.
Wimbledon: Cold War Charm
One of the better dresses Sharapova wore this year, primarily because you can’t see the cream-coloured straps that form a spidery pattern on the dress.
Fast-forward a few weeks to the US Open series and the true horror of these lurking straps would be revealed.
I didn’t mind the military jacket personally. Unlike Roger’s controversial horror, this one actually fits, but looks as stiff as the host country, and as hot as the cold war.
US Open Series: Spiderwebs are the new WTF
It would’ve looked great, had Sharapova been born with 8 hairy legs and named “Aragog”.
US Open Night: the New York skyline isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
The asymmetrical hot mess was supposedly inspired by the skyline in NYC, which really doesn’t say much about that city’s urban planning.
In a nutshell – too much silver, everywhere. After Federer’s gold-encrusted Wimbledon gear, and now this, it’s becoming apparent that the folks at Nike have some form of heavy mineral deficiency.
US Open Day/Asian Swing: oh look, it changes colors! It’s magical!
I liked the day version of the skyline dress. Love the fluoro straps. But holy sheeet, did no one realise the thing changes into a darker shade of pink when she sweats?
Didn’t think it was possible for clothes to look stale. But there you go:
So, what say you? What’s your favourite outfit from Masha Fierce in 2009? Least favourite?
Personally, I gotta admit I wasn’t a fan of any of her dresses this year. If I had to pick: Wimbledon or Indian Wells for the best. The spider dress for the dustbin.