Federporn Friday: Hair God? I don’t fink so?!
Yes! It’s Friday. The day of my glorified picspam/pornfest. There is no doubt that the Fed has the best hair in town. It’s the sort of hair that makes your fingers itch and want to twirl their way around each strand. Hmmm….
Where was I?
The point is, the Fed hasn’t always had Godly hair.
In fact, he went through an “Agassi phase” in his life. Don’t get me wrong, mohawks were never his thing, but it took years for the Hair Divinity within him to emerge, and this post is a celebration of all that went wrong in the quest to find what was ultimately right.
We start … with Blondie.
Don’t kid yourself Rog, you’re no Brad Pitt.
And he knew that, so he went the other way with “Samurai Hair”, the closest thing he ever got to rebellion.
I blame it on Lundgren really. Clearly, he was a bad influence.
The ponytail had its heyday in men’s tennis back in times when Clinton romped the White House. It was never my thing, unless your name was Pat Rafter. But it did produce some “Garnier Fructis Moments“.
And then one day, to our intense dismay, Roger discovered how to use a hair straightener.
But soon he learnt he was destined for shorter hair, and ponytails were just as overrated as short shorts or shaved chests.
Or Hello Kitty leg-warmers. *looks away*
And then, the unthinkable happened: Roger thought it might be a good idea to get manbangs.
Roger thought wrong.
Thank God for Anna Wintour!
It took him years to find the Hair God, but here it is folks. Are you fingers itching yet?
Enjoy your Fridays!