In the words of Mr Gigglefits, without him, Rafa, Sod – hell, without even Muzz or Djoko, my interest in the WTF final just went “nerrrrrrgh” [motions downwards].



It was nuclear warfare in the O2 arena today, as Mr Bodily-Waste and Mr Dimples traded blistering groundstokes for two hours. Pee had break chances in the first set, but Dimples answered each time with an impressive display of clutch serving. Dimples continued to serve huge until Pee folded in the first set tiebreak, winning only one point.

The plonk-plonk-BOOM hitting from both men continued in the second set, until at 3-4, when Pee secured his first service break of the match and served out for one set apiece.

There was no dip in levels during the third set, as both players continued to hit the snot out of the ball for fun, work, money, and glory. Dimples secured the first break in the middle of the set, but wavered slightly to give the break back the next game.  Both players then continued on serve til 6-all, when it became Dimple’s turn to play a listless tiebreak, ultimately conceding the match 76(1) 36 67(3) to Bodily Waste. 


In the other match of the day …

What on earth is going on with the Gillette boys these days?

Tiger got in a car accident. Henry went all touchy-feely with a ball. And Mr Gigglefits can’t for the life of him play a first set that is not spastic.

To make matters worse, the ATP World Tour Final will now be decided between two men with an unhealthy taste for facial fuzz. FRACK THIS. SO MUCH.



I take no one for granted. Davo was always going to be a hard semifinal opponent despite his incredible 0-12 H2H against Gigglefits. If you looked back on their previous meetings, most of them have been very close sets. But each time we got to the business end of the set, Gigglefits would raise the stakes to remind us all why he’s Rawjah-friggin-Feduruh: like any good carpenter, he nails things. 

So when Davo lost the first 7 points of the match to Giggles, one could be forgiven for thinking that the Swiss had come into the match with a complete set of hammer and nails. 

But then, everything fell apart. Davo held for 1-1, and promptly broke Giggglefits in the third and fifth games. Although he gave one break back, but he took advantage of Giggles’ poor serving (40-EFFING-PERCENT) and closed out the set 6-2.

Like in his three previous matches, the Fed raised his game considerably in the second set, serving at 73% and losing just five points on serve for the entire set.

Which makes me wonder: dude if it was that easy, WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE SERVED LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST SET? 



Despite Gigglefits’ loss, the last two sets turned out to be highly entertaining tennis. Particularly throughout the last set, both players cruised on serve until 5-4 0-30, when Giggles came within 2 points of victory.

It was then that we saw something from Davo unseen in his previous matches against Giggles – the ability to rise to the occasion when it mattered

And I thought he had no fire in his belly…

The Russian produced some flawless tennis in the next 4 points to hold for 5-all. Like many of the matches this week, the momentum swing came out of the blue. One minute, Davo was staring at his 13th defeat to Federpotty, the next Potty was struggling on serve for the first time since the end of the first set.

Davo blasted a backhand return up the line for a clean winner on breakpoint,  and went on to serve out the match. Gigglefits had a breakpoint chance the next game to take the match to a tiebreaker, but once again, Davo unleashed a forehand winner and managed to closed out his first victory over Potty 2 points later. 

So … are you a “good news first” or “bad news first” kinda person? Since I’d like to leave on a good note, let’s start with the bad: 

Mr Gigglefits hasn’t started his matches badly this week. He’s started them half-dead. The common trend in all of his 4 matches is that the first set was always plagued with poor serving, mistimed groundstrokes and early breaks. In contrast, the second set has always seen a scary elevation of play from Federer – comfortable holds, forehand starting to flow and of course, a whole lotta fight. 



This is pure speculation of course. I’ve seen Giggles look flat in a match, I’ve seen him fight when he’s down. I’ve even seen him look lost on a tennis court. 

But this week, he seemed more animated and emotional on court. It’s not the same sort of “I-got-soul-but-I’m-not-a-soldier” attitude that he was showing during the US Open last year. Was I imagining things or did you too find more than a hint of annoyance in Giggles’ normally unruffled body language? Perhaps it was simply frustration with his game, or perhaps something in his personal life. Who knows? But I’d rather not see it again when he steps on court in 2010.


Did I mention we’re leaving on a good note? 

The match itself – Davo finished with 27 winners to 21 UFEs. Gigglefits – 32 winners and 30 UFEs. Barring the shambolic first set, it was high quality tennis that could’ve gone either way. And from what I saw this week, Giggles still has a lotta fight in him. 

Given the sheer number of times Davo’s played lights-out tennis and ran into Federer at a grand slam, I really can’t begrudge him a single win in 13 meetings.

Looking at the bigger picture, I won’t go through all of Federer’s achievements this year again. We all know them off by heart. 

What I will say is this: I still remember watching the French Open 2009 final at 2am in Australia. I had tears in my eyes and gratitude in my heart, and I marveled at how I could feel this much happiness for someone I didn’t personally know. 

It’s been a roller-coaster year with many historic, memorable moments. When I turn into an old fart, I plan to tell the story of Federer’s career in 2009 to all my fucked-up grandkids EVERY. SINGLE. CHRISTMAS. WHILE RHYMING.


*evil cackle*

xx doots


Tags: , , ,

34 responses to “WTF: WUH-THU-FUH?”

  1. PJ says :

    Highly entertaining write up, Doots. Enjoyed and agreed with most of everything you write.

    With the annoyance part though – it’s not something entirely new, I think? Sometimes it translates to out and out anger (racket smashing in Miami and what not) but yeah, GigglesFed has on occasion looked annoyed (Basel final, was a flash), maybe at the way how he was serving like a noodle. I don’t know, but I guess I don’t really want to read a lot into it cos if it goes into 2010 and Ferd the Turd shows up in Aussie Open instead of Feddybear, I really am going to kill him.

    But although I mourn for what could have been a Calendar Slam (not taking ANYTHING away from Rafa and…well, taking whatever I can from Delpo, bah) – because he lost that Aussie Open and USO 5th set on his own racket – it has been an amazing year for Feddykins. He won French and Wimbly, with that came #14, #15 and the French-Wimbly double.

    I remember watching that French Open final and being terrified with Jumping Jimmy (or whatever his name is) and freaking out in the tiebreaker and just generally freaking out for the entire third set, and cried when CryBabyFeddy cried during trophy ceremony (also I started to, like, like Bobby Sod) and in general feeling so so exhilarated because frankly French Open in itself was a nightmare with Acasuso (something like that), Haas and Delpo along the way.

    Then come Wimbledon when I thought he was gonna go down two sets to love to A-Rod, and thought he was going to win, and then to that excruciating 5th set where me and my friend alternately muted the TV, screamed at the TV, hid behind a pillow, tore our hair out, had about a zillion heart attacks and finally he regained Wimbledon. It was a journey indeed.

    All in all…it has been good. I would like it more if he didn’t brain farted to Davy in the semi, but oh well.

    Shall end this really long comment with a Dootsie-inspired rhyme!

    Oh Roger Feddy
    Although you can be farty
    But you won Frenchy
    Regained Wimbly
    And Mirka you marry
    And became a daddy
    Therefore we party!

    Okay that was bad and no where near the Dootsie level but hey I tried.

    End of 2009, and less than 60 days to Aussie Open 2010!

    • FortuneCookie says :

      Hehe,poetry/tennis analysis,I love it 😉
      And I literally can’t believe that the AO is so soon,the freakin FINAL is 9 weeks today!
      Yeah,the yeah has been pretty up and down (understatement of the century!),but I think the bit I’ll remember most is that he reached all 4 GS finals when around Miami time that seemed absolutely impossible!
      And it’s insane to think that Roger was effectively 8 games away from winning the Calendar Grand Slam…Can you imagine if Roger had won the AO,and then gone into USO final one match away from it?!Actually,that would have been HORRIBLE if del Poop had won that,*one* good thing about Fed losing AO final perhaps!?!?

    • Mia says :

      Now that is the spirit. Yeah, after what Roger has given us this year, I wouldn’t rag him on this. He’s obviously running on fumes mentally. I’ve never seen him so up-and-down in a week and in matches, not even in the 2008 mono-gate.

      Also, remember this bit from Wertheim’s column?

      “Don Maddigan of St Simons Island, Ga.: I know Federer has many well-wishers for a return to form in 2009. Not the least of whom is my three-year-old son who twice last week during bedtime prayers asked God to bless Federer. I also heard him refer to Federer as Feddy-poo.” (

      Awww, wouldn’t you say 2009 was an answered prayer? Rest up, Feddy-poo. See ya in 2010.

    • dootsiez says :

      PJ, I’m prouda ya! You’re right, it’s been a great year. Doesn’t stop my rage, but it does keep things in perspective.

      I’m a bit sick of looking at him right now. GO AWAY FED. Sleep. Rest. Party. Enjoy the holidays, and guess what? We’ll see downunder to start the year next year.

      Can’t wait!

  2. LongLiveKingRog says :

    hahaha nice write up! I am also feeling “nerrrrrrgh” [motions downwards] about the final. Just an hour to start and I’m debating with myself should I go or not!?!?!? it’s a very far journey from one side of London to the other to watch two guys that I really do not care much(no disrespect to their tennis but just… hmm.)

    but yeah , we fed fans are greedy. We want Roger to win everything but truth be told those years are past us and I am prepared for many more rollercoster rides and heart attacks next year. If he only picks up Wimby next year, I am (kinda) fine.

  3. whynotme says :

    Totally agree, at times he seemed really annoyed this week. Don’t know if it was with himself, with his game or with something else, but I don’t like it either… Maybe it’s beacause he’s having trouble finding back his game and it annoys him. I hope he gets this whole “crappy 1st set” stuff fixed for next year coz it’s becoming really frustrating !

    As for today’s final, I thought nothing on earth could make me want Delpoop to win, until I learned that should he take home the title he would reach number 4 ! So now, I’m basically torn apart. Cause if Delpoop is no4, then Roger cannot meet him before the semis at the AO, which may be good for his consecutive semis record. But at the same time, I don’t want fugliness to win the WTF !! Nor any other tournament anymore ! I’m so bummed about the “future of tennis” right now. Roger and Rafa VS Delpoop and Murray ?!? The mere fact of comparing them seems insulting !

    So well I think I made up my mind : GO DAVOOOOOO and save the world from dystopia at all cost !! (plus I really like him anyway, and I don’t think I could really root for Delpoop even if it’s for Roger’s own good)

    And THANK YOU for reminding us about this amazing FO final, you described the moment perfectly. I remember I had managed to drag a friend of mine to come and see the final on a big screen in Paris next to the city hall, and when he won of course I started to cry so she was like “How can you be this happy when you don’t even know him ?? Are you crazy or what ?” And I said something like “Yes, I think so, but I wish you could know how it feels because it’s the best feeling in the world”
    Each time I’m depressed and angry about a loss, I try to remember the year he’s had and to be less greedy -not easy !- and I watch this vid, it’s beautifully made :

    Cheer up Fedfans, let’s celebrate 2009 and rejoice over 2010 !


  4. Jack says :

    I totally agree with everything. I don’t even though whether i can be bothered watching the final.

    His body language was flat but i thought he was looked like he wanted to be anywhere but on the court. Maybe it was just a culmination of the whole year taking its toll mentally on him? The good thing is he still won a few matches, and nearly this one, when his mentality was like this. But i’m like you, i’d rather not see him like that come January.

    Also, what the hell happened to his serve in that first set?! It was so bad, it made dementieva’s serve look world class! It’s a shame he was always playing catch up in his matches because if he started the matches like he ended them, things may have been easier.

    Anyway, am glad the season is finally over! Don’t get me wrong, we all know its been a spetacular season for us fed fans but like you said, its been a one hell of a rollercoaster too. Now we can go back to being normal sane people……well, at least until January 🙂

    • dootsiez says :

      I actually thought Fed looked a bit mentally checked out for the year too. But then again, dude actually fought like hell the whole week every time he got down.

      I’m with you on being glad that the season is over. I can’t believe I survived with hair still on my head. Here’s to more of that next year.

  5. Paul says :


    This will be the weirdest comment you’ll ever get, can you be Gran??

    I really would have loved a Gran who told me stories of Pancho Gonzalez or Fred Perry while rhyming.


    • dootsiez says :

      Hehehe, you sure?

      I have a feeling my grandkids one day are going to be so screwed-up by the Federporn fridays, the rhymes, and all the monkey-face drooling from the old laday.

  6. Jack says :

    The Gilette thing is so true. Someone else claimed it was the CURSE OF GILETTE!!!

    If this continues, we should declare a war on Gilette!!!

    • whynotme says :

      LOL, when I heard about the car accident, I said on my facebook page “OMG what the fuck is happening to Gillette champions ?! Now I’m scaaaaaared for tomorrow” and we know what happenned -_-

  7. JFK says :

    I can’t believe Roger got broken 3 times in the first set. Grrr. But maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that he loses early, so he knows what he needs to work on for next year?
    Thanks for ending the post on a high note! I’ll never forget waking up to see Roger 2 sets down to Haas! And then nearly dying during the Del Potro match. And to think he went on to win the whole tournament for the first time…it amazes me. I’ll never forget that moment where he fell to his knees after championship point. I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything in the world.

  8. GRACE says :

    Dootsietz I agree with all what you write,this loss hurt my heart but we have to look at the whole picture, 2009 will go as one of the Roger´s best.I´m sad but I´ll survive this also just because I know THE KING WILL RETURN.

  9. robert says :

    Watching Davydenko play these last few months (particularly this last week) and reading his pressers and interviews, it was obvious he got pretty confident. He was always blunt to the point of rudeness, in part due to his poor English, but lately he became downright cheeky. He lost this overawed attitude towards the top dawgs, and sure enough, he won his first big trophy and recorded his first Federer W along the way. I must say I fully expected this. He always had the game, but lacked the mindset.

    Federer stated beforehand he came to win this WTF, not only to participate and it showed in his loud come-ons and grunts all week. But, he lost to JMDP again (proving the USO was no fluke) and also to his pidgeon Davy for the first time. No wonder he was rather nervous and angry with himself on court and couldn’t muster a few seconds longer and few degrees warmer congrats to the Russian.

    He is clearly a gloom-and-doom person, seeing every loss as a beginning of the end, wanting to win everything. He should be more relaxed in this endgame of his career and stop proclaiming bold goals (“I came to win”, “I’ll play the Olympics”). Who knows what will happen. The only sure thing is he will start losing more, so he better learn not to be bitter about it.

    • dootsiez says :

      Fed a “gloom and doom” person? Oh really! I can’t think of anything so far opposite of his personality.

      To say that Roger, as the No 1 player in the world, *shouldn’t* come to a tournament with the public intention to win is ridiculous. The day he does that is the day I stop following his tennis. And in case you didn’t read his pressers, he was hardly bitter about the losses.

      I’m pretty sick of people scrutinising over everything as a reflection on the truth of the matter, like how he greets his opponents at the net. Most players get away with a standard handshake, but somehow, we expect Fed to start blowing kisses and making congratulatory speeches at his opponents when he loses. It’s double standards.

      • Jack says :

        I totally agree with you doots regarding the double standards. I think its pathetic how some people, no matter what Fed says or does, will twist it to make him out to be a douche or big-headed.

        Like yesterday, there were people saying Fed showed no respect towards davy in regards to his handshake and his presser. By the way some people were talking, you’d have thought there was no handshake at all. I mean, i thought the handshake was fine, and he was actually praising Davy in the presser. Plus Fed was probably the only player to stand by Davy during the whole betting scandal thing.

        So for people to say Fed is not respectful towards opponents is like saying Andy Murray is good looking. It’s just not true! 🙂

        • pban says :

          Exactly, didn’t see Rafa running to embrace leSod ,nor was Murray exactly brimming over with warmth towards Fed. Why do we castigate our sportsmen for showing disappointment.If I feel like totally shutting off mentally after Fed loses I don’t think he gets warm and fuzzy feelings either, that too 30 seconds after losing a match he could have won.

      • robert says :

        If that drive-by perfunctory handshake and a sliding glance so brief that Davy was probably unable to even register it amounts to “a standard”, you need to redefine a snub.

        These two played 13 times and have year-long history on the tour. Davy stood there at the net, all respectful but rightfully proud, and Federer gave him a mere nanosecond. Come on, be fair.

        • Alex says :

          I like Fed as bitter and angry. It gives some hunger for 2010.

        • dootsiez says :

          Fair? Federer has been totally vocal in his support of Nikolay Davydenko over the years, even when the media has written Kolya out.

          Now that Kolya is the winner, suddenly he’s new people’s hero and Fed the snubber? The number of fans too willing to jump on everything single minute detail of Fed’s conduct and make an issue out of nothing…

          Clearly we see things differently, let’s leave it at that. Neither of us are going to convince the other, no?

          “Q. Nikolay has finished top five in the world for the past four years. Do you think he gets the respect he deserves?

          ROGER Federer: Well, I don’t know if you guys have. I have. I think it’s most important that he has respect from his fellow players. I think he didn’t have the easiest of last few years, you know, where people suspected him of doing bad things in the sport, you know. He had a cloud over his name for quite some time, which was not very fair at the end now. I think he handled it very well towards the end.

          To be able to continue playing this well by being asked always the same stupid questions must not have been very easy for him. So I respect him not only for that, but obviously for the player he is. Proved it was worth hanging in there. He finally beat me today. I wish him all the best for the final.”

          What an asshole, huh?

  10. robert says :

    Calm down. Just said Federer was brusque with poor old Kolya at the net, when his true emotions got the better of him. Wants to win everything, bitter when losing, no biggie.

    Later on he was of course all PC in his presser. As almost always.

    • dootsiez says :

      LOL Robert, trust me that wasn’t written in anger, nor was it directed specifically at you. You’re free to disagree with me, as you more often than not do, but that means we’ll argue over things sometimes, no?

    • Alex says :

      I agree Roger was brusque with Kolya which is a good thing. I’d hate for him to suddenly become a “good loser”. He hates losing, no matter his previous remarks that he loves winning more.

  11. Jack says :

    Did you know that after Davy won the tournament, in his presser, they asked him how many autographs he has signed this week and he said none 😦

    It must be hard for him not to be supported and appreciated as much as the other top tenners.

  12. pban says :

    Well Alex Agassi won one wearing a wig and the rest when he was predominantly bald

  13. judy says :

    doots, nice coverage. i have to admit, i am still annoyed about the fed loss to kolya. i liked kolya before, but that’s when he wasn’t playing fed. WTF?! fed was up 5-4 in the 3rd, 0-30 on davy’s serve and got to 0-30 on that amazing overhead to overhead shot! later on, he had game point to hold on and take it to a tiebreak. WTF again? i know he’s had an unbelievable year on and off court and yes the french was the emotional high point, wimby was epic again and he finished #1 and beat murray mints at home, but still… he could have had an even brighter finish! i think my federbear is back in the cabinet for a few days. i had to wait the whole weekend (was away visiting family), avoid tennis news, blogs and emails, came home to watch on dvr, stayed up late while being very tired… and then fed goes on to lose, even though he raised his level and played brilliantly at times. why stress me out if you’re going to lose? the mighty poop disappointed. i expect him to win every time and it’s not my fault, it’s his.

    i guess it’s good that davy won, since he’s a very underrated player and has shown good form at the end of the year. better for fed to lose to the eventual winner. i’m not back to loving kolya yet though. i need some time.

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