Crouching Tiger, Hidden Fire Hydrants.


Reading my local tabloid on Tiger Woods today and came across this little snippet. One name jumped out at me, guess which one? Since, yer know, subtlety is such a forte of mine. 

 

A: …There must be a lot of nervous “squeaky clean” sports stars checking the fine print of their prenups, now that open season has been declared. What next? Explosive allegations that Roger Federer left the house without making breakfast-in-bed for the wife? 

B: It’s impossible to rule anything out. Thirteen days and 28 breakfast waitresses ago, I thought Tiger Woods was straighter than his three-iron, but now I don’t know which insular, multi-billionaire sportsman, who missed out on a proper childhood, to trust.

A: Still, it’s clearly a recipe for success. Think of all those elite athletes who deny themselves of sex before big events. Now we can expect the likes of Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps to boast their regimen involves protein, weights and three bubble-boobed airheads a day. 

B: World records will be at their mercy. Still I can’t see wholesome Roger Federer being capable of such immoral actions. I can’t even imagine him sneaking a peek at a lingerie catalogue. Not with wife Mirka super-glued to his shoulder.

 

Boo Roger, you goody two shoes! I’m not waitressing YOUR table.

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31 responses to “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Fire Hydrants.”

  1. pban says :

    Doots don’t you find it strange that almost all the loony frazzling females who are fedfangirls simply adore Mirka,Ithink that’s a first for any male celebrity. I believe they ,just like the object of their affections, recognise what is good for their fandom to flourish😉

  2. judy says :

    well, mirka is super likable. she’s a great example of trust, loyalty, friendship, support, strength and love. surely she is a great mother and wife as well. by all accounts, she is very smart in terms of business and media, very protective of rog and his time and has put her life aside to support him around the world and make sure he and his career flourishes. i’m sure in the beginning it was hard because she herself was a pro and to be sidelined by injury while your partner rises, could not have been easy and fun. she has sat through countless matches, press events, sponsor meetings, etc. she sat through that epic, dramatic, wimby final while super preggers with twins! plus she has great hair, like rog and always looks fashionable. how can we not love her?🙂 i admire her and know that rog would not be GOAT without her by his side.

    rog would never cheat on her! (i love that someone here recently commented that they’d ‘divorce him’ if he cheated on mirka, meaning they’d stop being a fed fan. hilarious.) you’re probably right he would never even sneak a peak at any other gals. even if they weren’t around each other all the time, i think it’s just not in his nature. he may be a tennis god, rich, handsome, friendly and fluent in several languages, with women throwing themselves at him, ogling him (raising hand), but he would never flirt (sorry doots!) or cheat. if he ever did, that would be the biggest shock by far! plus he has way too much respect, love and admiration for her. i would bet their nanny is not a hot young sexy gal!😉 not that it matters.

    • FortuneCookie says :

      Hehe yes,I read somewhere that their nanny is a British woman in her 60’s😉

      • dootsiez says :

        1) I wonder whose call was it to hire her. Mirka or Feds?

        2) How can I get myself an interview?

        Oh I kid, I kid.😛

    • JFK says :

      Judy, I love what you’re saying here. Mirka is the GOAT of all WAGS. I mean she was with Roger when he had 0 titles and had no style sense. Also, mad props to her for sitting through the roller coaster tournament of RG 09 and the Wimbledon final while she was pregnant with twins!

    • Liz says :

      Awesome post, Judy! In a lot of ways, Mirka reminds me of Lynette Federer — strong, supportive, self–assured, loving. Lucky Roger!

  3. GRACE says :

    I really agree with Judy about Roger´s life and Mirka.
    I remember a day in the MC final he said. “you said I´m the best but the best is my girlfriend who is always supporting me”Roger is the best as a human being.
    Tiger is a liar and big time adulter (sex addiction), he´s lost so much includind respect.So humiliating for Elin.

  4. Lily says :

    Bof…

    We don’t know how are realy these persons just because they’re famous and talk about their private life in newspapers.

    Fedfans are obliged to like Mirka, because at every press conference he talk nicely about her.

    If you support and appreciate Roger, pretending to dislike the person he loves the best is a nonsense. It’s like saying he’s an idiot, not able to know who is good for him, etc.

    I don’t know him, I don’t know her, I just like tennis, it’s enough.

  5. robert says :

    I admire Federer’s self-restraint. A 28 y.o. man who repeatedly stated he would like to be Lenny Kravitz, but who is instead accepting square fashion sense from his wife.

    • dootsiez says :

      Fed wanted to be Lenny Kravitz?!

      • robert says :

        Indeedy. Here’s a bit from his interview to the German agency DPA in which he reveals his dream of becoming a rock star. He also mentions he tried to play the piano, but was too lazy to practice:

        “I would so like to be Lenny Kravitz…” he said with a half-smile.
        “I saw him live in Paris. And I was so moved by his behaviour with the audience, and by how he was cheered, by me too. I have to say it – I would like to experience that some time.”

        That man is so boiling under the surface. Hope he doesn’t boil over someday. Wouldn’t be pretty.

      • dootsiez says :

        ^ Roger boiling over could be ugly. Or smexy.😉

        ##########

        Guys, this comments section is going places I don’t want it to go. I don’t want to be a Nazi deleting comments, so play nice.

        • sazzylove says :

          Sooooory dootz!..i just couldn’t help it….I know that you are unlike some blogger i unfortunately got the misfortune to come across with that is really Nazi like.lol…or maybe its just because majority of that someone’s posters are FEDfans and Fedfans comments are too hot for that someone to handle…sore loser in epic proportion i would say…lol!…anyways….sorry again….just cant take Fed bashings. …

    • sazzylove says :

      Just Epic nonsense!!!!Trying hard much?

  6. monique says :

    Federer is not a womanizer, he is a mananizer. He is gay.

    • sazzylove says :

      duh!!(*rollseyes*)..Pathetic!

    • Isobel says :

      Oh come now; just because he and Rafa are attracted to each other(which is, after all, the only logical result of putting two people together whom everyone of both sexes lusts after) doesn’t mean either of them would ever cheat on their ladies; they’re wise enough to keep it to a few on-court hugs.😉

  7. pban says :

    Well robert all GOATS boil under the surface that is a prerequisite for obtaining this title. You don’t become the best by remaining placid,it is just a question of managing your emotional rollercoasters…..and as (doesn’t surprise me,as compared to your previous posts this was pretty bland)for the last part of your post you sound as if you are desperate to see it happen. You see with Roger the emotions always spill out immediately after so the question of boiling over does not arise,but then Icannot stop you from wishing for something. And great analysis Monique ,you have seen something the rest of the world missed…. kudos to you.

    • sazzylove says :

      Just ignore his foolish rants….He is just bitter and jealous because Roger is on top of the world again while “it’s” idol is on rock bottom!Hilarious!Karma is a bitch, wouldnt you say, Robert!?HAHAHAHAHA!Bleh!

      • dootsiez says :

        pban and sazzylove, robert is entitled to his opinion and you guys are free to disagree. But be civil.

        Similarly, feel free to ignore the occasional hater who wanders in here to declare that “mananizer” is a word.

  8. pban says :

    doots under the circumstances i thought i was pretty civill

  9. robert says :

    Girls, what’s fascinating is this unquestioning, puppies-and-rainbows image of FedMirka that you perpetuate. “She’s a great mother and wife! Rog would never cheat on her!” You don’t know these people intimately, only through their media image and media reports of their accomplishments and failures, professional as well as private ones.

    I don’t wish anything on anybody, just noticing how wildly unexpected Federer’s dream for himself is. He strikes me as a bank executive type of person and this whole sports star thing seems like too much for his emotions.

    My tennis faves, Becker and Borg, fought their inner boilings the same way as any other top sportsman does, through sex, drugs and rock’n’roll, either literally or with some mutation of that. Becker humped waitress in closet, popped pills, befriended and partied with wild peronalities like Nastase and Zivojinovic; Borg snorted coke, married an older dominatrix-looking Italian rock singer after dumping loyal tennis first wife, retired on a whim.

    Apparetly, Tiger vents through his inner David Duchovny. And Federer wears silly practice tees. Hope this does the trick for him. He married an older domineering tennis wife and only dreams of rock’n’roll. To each his own.

    • Liz says :

      I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying here, but I also don’t see why you have any more insight into Roger’s “real life” than anyone else. An interview where he talks about liking Lenny Kravitz — is that any more reliable than an interview where he talks about his love for Mirka?

      Sure, there are a lot of top sportsmen (why does that make me think of Bridget Jones?) who act out in their private lives. But those are the ones you hear about. The ones who lead relatively normal lives don’t make the tabloids.

    • dootsiez says :

      You say “puppies-and-rainbow” like it’s bad thing. I’d rather take a few puppies than a dark alley full of conspiracy theorists.

      I’m amused by Roger’s desire to be Lenny Kravitz. Sometimes I want to be Bono. Doesn’t mean I feel trapped in my own life and want to boil over.😛

  10. robert says :

    What I’m saying is every man in high pressure profession needs a safety valve. When I say : sex, drugs and rock’n’roll, what I mean is doing something out of character, out of everyday routine, temporarily breaking free. For “ordinary” men it may be hours wasted on their stamp collection. Crying openly does not qualify as that, it needs to be something that you proactively do, not a helpless reaction. Federer wears funky tees and that’s all we know. I do not claim to know what he does privately. Probably nothing. When asked what is his favourite pastime, he said it’s washing his cars. It’s been alleged Murray plays Plastation for 7 hours a day.

    Of course, both Kravitz liking and Mirka love are believable. In fact, they are very compatible. For a young boy.

  11. Rosie says :

    But I think what you’re forgetting is that Roger actually likes
    playing tennis so maybe he does’nt feel a lot of pressure.
    I dont know any more about Roger and Mirka’s relationship
    than anyone else here,but i do know from watching him during
    the summer after his children were born, he was absolutely
    glowing with happiness.They must be getting something right.
    Anyway, just enjoy his tennis ,thats what makes me happy.

  12. pban says :

    robert i don’t know where you are from but in my country we play a sport called cricket and we have a player who enjoys adoration and expectations from us of an insane level,a level roger has yet to reach. He has not cracked for 20 years because he does something he so totally loves, somehow i get the same vibes with roger where tennis is concerned. Domineering is a term which i often find fed baiters using for Mirka, somehow i feel it is roger who is the more demanding of the 2 and as for tennis roger has always taken his own decisions from the time he was a child.Borg and Becker played great tennis but whether they loved the game as much as Roger is a matter of conjecture.Tennis is not an escape for roger it is the only thing he can do really well and as a bonus he loves doing it.

  13. Ribbons says :

    ” I can’t even imagine him sneaking a peek at a lingerie catalogue. Not with wife Mirka super-glued to his shoulder.”

    I totally see him reading lingerie catalogs. I see him reading them with Mirka and discussing what to order for their cuddle-ins the mornings he’s not due on some court.😉

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