GO PUG YOURSELF ROGER FEDERER.
I yell at Roger a lot. I beat him with a stick because as a fan, IT’S MY DEMOCRATIC FANDOM RIGHT. If I wanted someone to mollycoddle, I would’ve been a fan of Ana Ivanovic.
But there’s a difference between working oneself into an explosive rage when Fed loses to Del Potro at the US Open and when he loses on a dinky court in Estoril to Montanes.
The former calls for Federbear abuse. Exhibit A:
The latter calls for many pug faces. Exhibit B, C, D, E …
5 Step plan to reconciling with Federloser:
1. Stay away from fanforums (read: MTF, TennisWorld etc). The former is filled with the worst of Tennis Fandom. The latter has in equal measures incredibly insightful posters and hysterical morons, which you think you can deal with, but alas – you overestimate your ability to scroll. You do.
2. Patience is a virtue. Roger claims he’s waiting for “good things around the corner”, by “good things”, I’m assuming he means 3 wins in a row and not just the hilarious shape of Myla’s poop.
But while patience is a virtue, it’s also a virtue I don’t have, so I’m going to ask this in a whisper: is something wrong? Beyond his tennis that is.
We’ve dismissed too many a losses to the lack of motivation outside the slams, but this has nothing to do with motivation. In fact, motivation is the least of Fed’s problems right now: dude wants to win, that much is clear.
But this leads to the inevitable question – how did Fed lose his timing completely from the Australian Open to Indian Wells? And why did this problem persist despite all the efforts he went through in training?
But of course, all these questions are pointless. If there is something wrong with Fed, we’d never know about it until he gets it under control. ‘Cause that’s just how he rolls.
Patience. *STABS PILLOW WITH A PEN HOWLING*
3. Be like a Serena Williams fan.
As a long-time Serena fan, I’ve acquired the ability to laugh off non-slam losses, knowing that if there is one thing Serena and Roger have in common, it’s resilience. Think you’ve got them this time, Locker Room? Your stage is just their dress rehearsal. You ain’t even seen their stage yet.
4. Watch the Australian Open 2010 again. Or Roland Garros 2009. Or Wimbledon 09. Or scintillating Cincinnati.
In fact, watch anything in the last 12 months, apart from the period between Aus Open 2010 and now, and you’ll realise that actually, life ain’t so bad.
4. Channel your angst. The only positive I take away from a Federer loss is that he sends me into a workaholic frenzy. Corporations Law, you’re no Montanes or Baghdatis, you’re not even a Gulbis. You’re just an ANDY MURRAY. CONQUER I SHALL! *thunderbolt and lightning, very very fright’ning*
5. No Federporn Fridays until further notice. By “until further notice”, I mean “until Dootsie doesn’t feel like a pug anymore”.
Comfy blanket pwease.😦