Wimbly Dystopia (by PJ): I didn’t even promise you porn


So. Where to begin? I honestly just wanted to crawl into bed and not wake up for the next decade (or millennium), but even sleep decides to fail me as I simply cannot fall asleep.

I don’t need to tell the story. Most of us know the story. If you don’t, go find it out yourself. I’m also not going into the debate of what he said in his post-match conference, regarding injuries and what not. You make up your own mind, and I have my opinions. You can’t change my mind, and I’m not going to fucking bother about changing yours, so let’s leave it at that.

For this post, I just want to let out my thoughts a little. It may not be coherent, but at 230AM in the morning, after THE most gut-wrenching loss as a Feddy fan, please do excuse me for sounding all out of sorts.

Again, the stats tell all. Roger didn’t play a bad match. But at the same time, he didn’t play a good match either. Props to Berdych for not mentally collapsing, but Roger had his chances and he knew it. 1/8 BP conversion, and giving away 4 out of 6 BPs on his own serve…he didn’t play the clutch points like clutch points. Much like the Bobby Sod match in RG, he seemed torn between attacking and holding back and somewhat settled into a bizarre game-plan of combining both elements, but then not really.

What really hurts me is that he could have won. Or could have taken it to five for another fight. But then again, could have, should have, would have. Not like any of that is relevant now.

For me, this is the worst loss ever. RG was nothing compared to this. Because Wimbledon is Roger’s favourite. His home. His turf. His fucking lawn. The place where he won #15. The place where he won #1. It means so much to him and to go out at the quarters…must be devastating.

Yes, quarters are not as dismal as first round, and we faced that prospect last week, how we remember. But when you’re Federer, you’ve been used to playing beyond quarters for the last six years. As Federer fans, we’ve come to expect our guy in the semis or finals. We can give ourselves a pat of commiseration on the back and say whatever we like about quarters-being-a-good-result, it-really-is-not-so-bad, at-least-we-have-the-last-six-years, at-least-he-has-16-slams…

Truth is, we can say WHATEVER we want.  But this still fucking hurts like I just inserted my head into a food processor, and my heart still feels like a watermelon being dropped down from 4857364783 floors up, and I still feel like throwing myself over my balcony. Only that I live on the third floor and would probably end up paralysing myself rather than dying, which was my aim.

If I want to be rational, I would say perhaps it is time that I come to the realisation that Federer will not be at the top forever and ever and go out at the top. Funnily, that was what I’ve always thought, even more so after AO this year. He’ll continue winning and when he DOES retire, it’ll be without QF losses at Slams. I naively thought he may be able to keep that semis streak until whenever. I supposed I should be realistic and rational. Rationally, it had to happen someday.

Realism and rationality, however, do not make these losses hurt any less. I don’t think they ever will. They may help me for getting over the losses. Maybe. I haven’t tried it. When I am rational and I do get over this, I’ll come back and tell you people about it.

I may call him Ferd the Turd, Ferd the Fucker, Ferd the Retard or WHATEVER and be flipping angry at him during the match. But after everything, there’s just no anger anymore. Watching his post-match conference (2 minutes is about all I can take – I read the rest) just made me cry and I wanted to cuddle him. I can’t be angry at him. I can’t berate him and continue saying that he’s a fucker and all sorts of negative things. I just can’t.

At the end of the day, I am a FedKAD not because he has 16 slams or that he has the most gorgeous hair in all of the ATP tour. I am a Federer fan simply because HE is Roger Federer. It’s everything about him that I love and appreciate, from the talent, to the puny left arm, to the Monkey, to the hair, to the forehand shanking, backhand netting and the aversion to BP conversion. Everything. I can’t stop being a Federer fan. Maybe my sisters wish I would stop (because they think I am craaaaaay – no, really), but if I am honest to myself, I can’t be mad at him or hate him.

But for now, leave me be in my sorrow. Like RG, I can’t be zen about this. And since this is about three million times worse than RG, Madam Zen is going straight to the garbage bin, along with Mr. Positive Thinking. Maybe at some point they will re-enter my life, but not now.

Having said that, he’s given me a lot of good times, good memories and Fedgasmic experiences, live and otherwise. He’s given me a true hobby and a passion for the sport. I was there for the good times, and therefore I will be there for the bad times (no matter how much I want to spork myself), and whatever happens in the future, I’m still gonna be there.

And that is all.

– PJ

P.S. Not sure I’m going to continue to blog about Wimbly. I probably will write an entry about whoever eventually wins. The women I can do. The men? I don’t give a crap about them anymore. May Tsonga win Wimbledon (and I still would not care).

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About PJ

I'm a tennis nut. Loves watching and freaking out over tennis, and as of late, writing about tennis. As a player though, I'm terrible. My other interests includes reading (pretty much will give any genre a go), checking out films, crafting (making cards, scrapbooking etc), eating/food (specifically searching for the perfect chendol outside Malaysia). I'm also trying to find my own perfect corner in this world!

37 responses to “Wimbly Dystopia (by PJ): I didn’t even promise you porn”

  1. breadstix says :

    Sorry, I couldn’t get past the first sentence without tearing up again so I’ve read none of your post. Twitter is just painful to look at at the moment, as is Facebook. I’m avoiding the BBC homepage, google reader, ANY news website, the TV, the radio, newspapers, lifeingeneral etcetc. :”(

    ‘I am a Federer fan simply because HE is Roger Federer.’
    ^ Well, okay, that bit jumped out at me. So true. Still wuv you, Wogie, but still depressed at the same time. Meh.
    😦 😦 😦

    • breadstix says :

      “I may call him Ferd the Turd, Ferd the Fucker, Ferd the Retard or WHATEVER and be flipping angry at him during the match. But after everything, there’s just no anger anymore.”

      — THAT IS SO TRUE. SO SO SO TRUE. 😦 😦 😦 Sorry, I just don’t have anything constructive to say anymore, hahahah…. *facepalm*

      Just read the last paragraph too — *hugs*. Doots took the final days of RG off afterall. But all in all, it’s kinda made me realise how much Roger has been winning in the past, oh gosh, 5, 6, 7 years? We Fedfans have got a lot to be thankful for, but even as I type that the overwhelming emotion in me right now is, well, is coupled with the desire to crawl under a blanket with lots of food and booze and not emerge again for three days.
      😦

  2. jfK says :

    Thanks PJ 😦
    Your last paragraph made me tear up. To see Roger lose like this…in the one tournament he cares more about than any other..just breaks my heart. Obviously not as bad as 2008(nothing comes close to that). I am almost in denial. Please tell me this a bad nightmare and Fed will play on Friday. 😦

  3. Rooster says :

    PJ/Doots, I’ve been following Roger since 2005 and enjoying the picket fence since RG 2009, so I suppose I qualify as a long-time lurker, first time commenter. All I can say is that I agree 100% with PJ’s post. I gave up on tennis for a long time until Roger came along and re-piqued my love for the sport. Although what has transpired since the AO 2010 won’t change that (I hope), I can’t help but feel that from tonight (I live in Hong Kong) onwards Wimbledon 2010 is dead to me.

  4. pban says :

    funnily enough i thought it would never end but it has and as difficult as it is to do so i am still breathing 😦

  5. TennisAce says :

    *sniffles and sniffles some more, wipes eyes and tries to focus*. This is as bad as it gets. I thought 2008 was bad but this is even worse. I am with those who are staying away from media houses right now. I do not even have my tv on. Everything is off. . There are those who have been longing for this day to come who are sitting there laughing because it finally gives the also rans a chance. The ones with the ugly tennis and who use technology to turn them into tennis players.

    As Jon Wertheim tweeted at the end of the match. Thanks Luxilon. Federer brought me to tennis so many years ago that I have forgotten now. He is the only male tennis player that I watch. I get up early in the morning to watch him and stay up until late at night just for a replay. It just hurts right now and I have no more words. Just no more words.

  6. judy says :

    very well written and i totally understand! nothing will be as devastating to me as wimby 2008, but this one hurts and will take a bit of time to get over. wimby is like his home and given his success there, it’s hard to imagine he won’t be in the final! i’ll still love him too, because i’ve been a fan for years, during the ups and downs and he is so much more than one match or upset. i will always believe he has a shot given all he’s accomplished and has done for the game. oh rog, please come back strong for the hard court season!

  7. Anjali says :

    thanks for the lament. ditto on all. and fed lives on.

    i think us fed fans need to think of how the man will retool his game and come back. that is, after he’s got over his denial that he didn’t get outplayed. like agassi, i think fed is going to have to change some major aspects of his game .. and it will be what we can look forward to. he can’t beef up and add those extra mph to his serve, so what then?? till the u.s. open and hope he gets a good draw!!

    am now hoping that we’ll have a djoker-nadal or berdych-nadal final. can’t stand the thought of murray winning.

    • TennisAce says :

      I actually would not mind Murray winning. Why not? It is his home slam and he has made 2 finals and came away empty. I definitely do not want Nadal to win. Yeah, I said it. Not a fan and will never be. I would also be happy for Novak or even Tomas. I am on the anybody but Nadal train right now.

      • pban says :

        Aah Tennisace your sentiments mirror mine ,anybody but Rafa.Don’t hate the guy just can’t support him on a tennis court.

  8. pban says :

    I agree with all his good qualities there is something very pig headed about Fed in all his last 3 slam losses he has been overpowered by a big hitter ,a breed which never bothered him earlier.Maybe his reflexes have slowed I don’t know but if he wanrts to play top level he needs to find an answer soon

    • Mia says :

      True, big hitters never bothered him before. No one can be a bigger hitter than Marat — he whose shots sounded pistol-like every time they came off the strings — and Roger mastered him. Fed loves pace, which was why the one formula for beating him before was just to keep returning the balls back. But now, in addition to being out-hit, Fed’s shots lack zip, especially on the forehand.

      This has been discussed ad nauseam before but was shoved under the seat when he notched 14, 15 and 16 — maybe he needs to listen to someone new. Luthi is nice and all but once I see a coach carrying his charge’s tennis bags, that tells me the balance ain’t in the coach’s favor.

      • marcoiac says :

        i think it’s a series of factors. he’s not getting any younger, so he may have lost a tiny bit in speed. the big hitters hit even bigger now. these two things combined are already a problem. but then there is the mental aspect of the game. for many years players were intimidated to play him. no more. that’s a biggie. can he reinvent himself? he definitely can, the question is whether he wants to do it. one of the main limits of fed is that he is in love with his own game (rightly so, it’s the most beautiful game ever played on tennis courts), and he does not like to change anything. but i doubt he can add more zip at this point. i don’t even see how he can do that. i think he should work on making his shots creating more angles. he can definitely do that. sometimes he can create impossible angles, especially with the backhand. every time he does that he wins the point. he should also do more serve and volley. again, he’s not getting any younger, and long rallies or sticking to the baseline don’t seem a great strategy when you are in your 30s (OK, andre did it, but he was unique).
        so, it would be cool seeing him tweaking his game and get back to the top. he can. but he needs to be willing to change something. and he never really liked that. that’s why he does not like coaches. first thing they do, when they get hired, coaches make you change something.

        • marcoiac says :

          i forgot one thing about fed’s game! he needs to improve his return game. big time. that’s really the weakest department. until now, it didn’t matter much, because he dominated anyway, but now it does really matter.

  9. Jack says :

    I agree with you, this loss hurts a lot!! Like you said, this is Roger’s tournament. This is where it all started and it means so much to him. Plus, it has been so good to us over the past years!

    And I don’t give a shit what people have to say about his press conference. It’s always the same with Roger. Everything he says gets over-analysised and over-criticised. Plus, the people who say he’s a sore loser are just moronic. I mean, what do they expect?! He’s just lost in the quarters of a tournament he loves. If they expect him to be all happy and cheery, then they need to get a brain!

    He also goes down to No 3 now 😦 Means his draws may be more difficult but there really isn’t no easy draws nowadays.

    But I’m a Fedfan for life, regardless of whether he’s No 1, No 3…..or No 103!!

    • pban says :

      When Rafa cites injuries tennis journos sigh that it spells the doom of tennis, and when Fed talks about them he is a sore loser….yeah he is you morons that is why he won 16 slams. What is a good loser by the way…. I have no idea.Anyone who follows Roger was suspecting something was wrong, his leg was strapped,serve was off all telltale signs .Just because he follows the rules and does not take MTO for a recurrent problem people are surprised but Roger has always been tightlipped about injuries. As for the presscon he is not a monk for God’s sake ,he just lost at Wimby….seriously we expect the moon from our sportstars.

  10. MS E says :

    It was so sad to see this slip away today. So much more so in person than sitting home watching it. I just found your blog yesterday while looking around at Wimby things while here at the tourney- love it and will continue to read and be a die hard Fed fan! Thanks!!

  11. BS says :

    PJ, you hit the nail on the head with this post. Federer may just be a tennis player, and to people who don’t follow this sport that’s all he is, something trivial to them. They can’t understand fandom. He is my favourite tennis player and the reason my obsession with this sport and ultimately Federer started. As much as this hurts and it really really does hurt, I cannot hate him for losing. I love him so much and to me tennis is not tennis without Roger Federer. It just feels like a kick in the guts because this is the place where he always forgot about the French Open losses and any other hard times during the season. Once he got back on the grass, everything just seemed to click and everything was ok. That’s why, as PJ said, this loss is especially painful.

    Normally, I hate the end of Wimbledon and the post-Wimbledon lull that always seems to be present, but I genuinely welcome it this time because I need a break from tennis. Tennis is no fun when none of the players you like are doing well. I probably should have taken Ferrero (one of my favourites) losing in the first round as a bad omen. It seems as if everything just got worse and worse after that.

    Couldn’t stand it if Murray wins, part of me wants Rafa to get it but the Federer fan in me doesn’t want his teeth sinking into that golden trophy come Sunday, so I’ll back Nole.

    • BS says :

      And also, I thought I was done crying for the day….this just set me off again 😦 😦 😦

      • Luna says :

        I thought I was through crying, too…………..BS. I guess maybe I will be tomorrow. Maybe not.
        I haven’t seen his press conference…
        I think I’ll have to wait ’till tomorrow for that.

        Good comments, here.. Thanks.

        Am I still a fan? Damn right I am!! Always will be.
        I don’t care who wins……as long as it isn’t Nadal.

        I really don’t care about too much right now.
        Probably won’t even watch the semis or the final~~~No probably about it.
        I won’t.

  12. Fatty says :

    This made me cry even more than when Feddy lost.
    Gotta go take my depression tablets now….WHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
    why?!
    =(

  13. PSP says :

    I’m so sad!!! I know as he gets older, things wouldn’t be as easy as before. But the press and all the naysayers seem to jump on him every time he slips, which makes me even more pissed. Anyway, I don’t care whether he is No. 1 or No. 3, etc. As long as he is playing, I’ll always cheer for him!

  14. Dippy says :

    PJ – my sentiments exactly…i hate it when my bad feelings are right. Roger did not play bad match but he didn’t play a good match either. I hated it during clutch time he didn’t make the shots he wanted and convert his BPs. Worse part, I don’t see the fire in him as compared to Falla. He didn’t show that he wanted it so badly he would kill for it and his confidence is not there at all. I am not sure what is wrong, if injuries effected him in anyway but I will still root for even though he might not be as dominant as before. He is ROGER FEDERER and we love him for that.

    p/s: its too painful for me to watch men’s tennis now, I am still hoping that you blog about women’s side

  15. Tyler says :

    I love this post…well I hate it too…

    You’re so right, Federer was and IS the reason I love the game.

    Professional tennis without Federer is no longer tennis to me.

    I don’t know people, maybe someone new will come along and we can love him as much as we love Federer.

  16. roadrunnerz says :

    Ah…beautiful post.

    Big, fat, hugs to all my fellow Fed fans, and thanks to Doots for giving us this place to commiserate.

    Truthfully, this loss didn’t affect me as much as I thought it would. (Mind, you, not to say I didn’t want to throw things when he was up 0-40 on Berdy and couldn’t convert a single effing breakpoint!! and then went on to waste another one for good measure in that same game….GRRRRRRR). But one of my good friends lost his Dad today so it just felt somehow wrong to be bummed by Fed’s loss at the same time.

    I liked that in his press conference someone asked him whether he took anything positive from the tournament and he paused and said something like, “well, I could’ve been out in the first round”. Leave it to him to find something, ’cause we all know Roddick would’ve just told the interviewer where he can stick that question…(don’t get me wrong LOVE Roddick, but he cannot compete with the Fed love).

    Overall, more than the loss bugs me, it’s the so-called fans calling for his retirement.

    If the dude wants to just enjoy the tour and keep playing while flunking out in the first round of every tournament he takes part in, let him. God knows, he’s more than earned that right. I’ll still be watching.

    • pban says :

      So will I, in fact I felt so sad I couldn’t watch yesterday because for Roger I am there till the end no matter what.

      • marcoiac says :

        i concur with both of you. even if loses every match, it is still great watching him. he moves so beautifully on the court. but he won’t lose every match, he’ll be around for a while and win tons of matches

  17. Joanna says :

    I haven’t been this sad about Roger losing since AO 09. I actually felt really calm throughout the first three sets. But the fourth set, especially the parts where he could’ve broken Berdych were just painful to watch. Right now just sucks, plain and simple. I know that he’s not going to be the dominant force he once was, but as you said, rationality doesn’t automatically make the sad feelings go away.

  18. Tru says :

    I feel your pain *wincing*

    Sounds like me in the mid part of 2008. Wallow as long as you need, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And no, it’s not an oncoming train!

  19. cs says :

    Commiserations to Federer fans. Well, I’m not a Fed fan (ermm, I’m a fan of certain other player whom we can call Federer’s biggest rival) but I’m really sorry for the guy.

    However, I do think that it’s not appropriate to say “I don’t care about Wimbledon anymore because Roger lost”. I understand all of your disappointment and believe me, we the fans of other players have suffered enough too (maybe more than you, believe me, being a Roger fan has always been much more easier until now). Tennis still goes on and if you really love tennis (and not just Roger), you would be able to find way to enjoy Wimbledon even without Roger.

    Anyway, am gonna continue to follow your blog because I love reading it, just wanted to share my opinions.

    • dootsiez says :

      Hey cs, welcome! How many Rafa fans didn’t bother with Wimbledon last year? I’m sure you still watched it, but there were plenty who didn’t, no? Cut these folks some slack. It’s a tough day/week/5 months since the AO.

      • cs says :

        I know what you’re saying dootsiez, yes, I watched all of Wimbledon last year but I’m sure there were many Rafa fans who didn’t bother with it.

        Anyway, again commiserations, it’s sad to watch a legend in this situation.

  20. TennisAce says :

    I just woke up and realised that yeah it was not a dream. I looked in my favourites and realised that yup I did delete a whole lot of favouriites blogs that I had and yes I did delete a whole lot of folks from my twitter account. Woke up and all I had to do was lean on the picket fence and while I am not feeling 100% and the pain is still there and it still hurts. Nope, this one has not gone away as easily as I thought it would with a good night’s sleep.

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