Passing thoughts: I think, therefore I am angry.
Happy Sundays my lovelies! Long time no blog! I missed you all like that little toe my uncle lost once in an accident.
And I’m sorry for springing this rant on you in my first post back from blogging hiatus, but you know me! I won’t get over “it” until I’ve let it all out. (Recall, if you must, the Great Rant of 09).
So here’s to letting it all out, all that pent up rage within me, fermenting away for a much delayed release –
FUCK YOU ROGER FEDERER! Two match points?! TWO MATCH POINTS GONE AND WASTED?! Mind you, Djoko played good clutch tennis on those, but it doesn’t take away the fact that they were both on second serves and the wanker did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with them. I HOPE HE GOES BACK TO SWITZERLAND AND SLIPS ON COW SHIT.
Seriously, watching that semifinal was being waterboarded by a modern reincarnation of Adonis. PAIN and arousal in equal measures. (I do, by the way, draw a line. It’s just that I’ve crossed it so many times I don’t know where it is anymore…) 5 DOUBLE FAULTS?! This is the second year in a row that Fed’s over-served himself against Soderling only to come out flat in his next match. He mostly got away with it last year against Djoko because as badly as he was playing, he at least didn’t have COMPLETE MENTAL BLANK-OUTS from set to set.
Makes you wonder, doesn’t it … whether his brain has ACTUALLY TURNED INTO BABY POOP? Stoopid Mister Oh-dey-gimme-kisseth-nao-it’s-lyke-shooo-cute.
CUTE. MY. EYE. I hope Myla and Charlene projectile-vomits IN YOUR FACE the next time they give you their “little kisseths”.
And what’s with those 66 UNFORCED ERRORS?! You brainfarting MORON. After the match, I was TORN between whether to STAB MYSELF IN THE EYE or to pole-vault my way across the Pacific Ocean onto Arthur Ashe and SHOVE AN INKY PEN up his nose. TORN bitches, like a post-natal vagina.
But in the end, I did neither. The passage of time, as I discovered during those 20 odd days I spent away from the bloggosphere, is really the best way of diluting rage. And with benefit of hindsight, I think I’ve finally acquired the ability to – yer know – write something without BURSTING INTO CAPSLOCK over the RETARDEDNESS of that COW.
And here is what I think:
1. I think Federer played consistent, self-assured tennis this summer – finalist in Toronto, title in Cincinnati and of course A FUCKING SEMIFINAL at the US Open.
Objectively, if I were just any other “reasonable man” drinking tea with my pinky a-pointe, I’d give him a pat on the back for a jolly good job. Not bad for an old geezer.
Except … oh except he’s not just any old geezer, he’s one of the Great Ones. And for those, we simply demand more.
2. I think this is what happened: I think like all of us, he took one look at that draw and circled the match against Soderling. He came out, he blitzed through it like a dreamboat, oh the sweet, sweet taste of victory…
EXCEPT WAIT – it’s not the end of the tournament. He had more matches to play, and to cut the long story short, he walked out on court in that semifinal with his tank of magic empty.
Pace yourself, my dear Fuckerer.
3. I think I have reasons to be optimistic.
Having seen his tennis this summer, having felt the warm buzz of positive energy coming from his camp, having the knowledge that he’s out there, hiring a new coach, trying new things, setting new targets, hunting for fresh kills, I think I have nothing to worry about.
Compared to Berdych or Soderling, what was different about this loss was that it rankled. There are days when you realise that there is nothing more you could’ve done to change the course of fate, and then there are days when you combust in rage over the chances not taken, the flaws in execution …
To put it differently, Novak Djokovic would have to be a bigger fucker than I gave him credit for to lose to Fed when he’s serving under 50%, double faulting with a bad case of Dementievitis and shitting out 60+ unforced errors.
Federer has always known how to play against Djoko. He hasn’t alway been able to execute. Relatively-speaking, that’s not a hard problem to solve.
4. Oh by the way, I think it’s about time the Tennis Gods gave Roger Federer a break, draw-wise. If he continues to play in this form and stays injury-free, a ‘break’ is all he needs to catch some momentum.
5. I think I am happy for Rafa.
I’ve always said that if Federer can’t win a slam, I’d root for Rafa to win it, and I stayed true to my words. Once Fed was out of the competition, I cheered for Rafa all the way through the final. A final, which – by the way – reminded me of the 2006 US Open final between Federer and Roddick. Djoko or ARod never had a chance, there are times when I feel that tennis players aren’t so much makers of history, but products of the force of history. That day, the force of history was on Rafael Nadal’s side, and no Sesame Street Bert look-alike was going to halt the march towards a career slam. Like I said, I think I’m happy for him.
But it’s hard you know, to truly feel happy for Rafa, despite the fact I really, really do love him too. It requires me to be so much bigger a person than I think I’m capable of. Not my fault – the media discourse tends to pitch Federer and Nadal as a sum-zero rivalry. The more slams one wins, the less stunning the other becomes. This is of course, a natural and instinctive way of looking at this. The less instinctive, but I think also less myopic way of looking at the Fedal rivalry is that one enhances the other.
History will prove me right. I’m sure of it. But alas, it ain’t easy.
6. I think a final is better than a semifinal.
This issue came up when I met up with a few Federer fans in Sydney for some merry drinks. It was better this way, one of them said, to lose in the semifinal rather than the final. And we were quite divided on this.
Understandably, if Federer lost the US Open to Nadal, some of my dear Federbitches might’ve needed hospitalization for stomach ulcers. But this is a serious question.
One of the reasons I stopped blogging after the US Open (apart from being bogged down with work) was that minutes after the semifinal, I came across some general sentiments from Fedophile sections of cyberspace that Federer “did the right thing” by losing in the semifinal and “avoiding Nadal” in the final.
Just so we’re clear: THAT IS THE BIGGEST PILE OF BULLSHIT I’VE EVER HEARD. How insulting! How cowardly! What revolting lack of guts and backbone and everything in-between … quite aside from the fact that Federer would’ve had a chance (he would’ve always had a chance), at the end of the day, a final is a final and I’d take another cookie tray over a big fat nothing semifinal loss any time. So there’s that.
But really, a life lived in fear just ain’t worth living. Go forth and meet whichever foe the Tennis Gods throw at you. That’s how this ‘Greatness’ thing works.
What say you, cyborgs?
PS. Thanks for the lovely emails.
PPS. On a scale of 1 to weird, which was weirder? Federer losing to Montanes? Or Nadal losing to Garcia-Lopez?
PPPS. Dear Roger, I’m not having your babies anymore. You’re such a bitch to me.