The Stockholm “If …” Open, apart from having a conditional clause for a name, sounds like something out of a postmodern satire of our tennis romanticism.
Club mix music. Hot royalty. Ball boys catching yellow-fuzzies in HOOPS and dancing to Bette Midler’s “The Rose”. It was like synchronised swimming, minus the glitter and fucking scary nose clips.
On top of all that, there is that all-important, philosophical question bugging all of you this week during the “If …” Open : IF WHAT?
If the theme of 2010 Federfuckery had been “second set funk-outs”, then the theme of Stockholm was clear the “early first set break”: against Wawrinka, Ljubicic and Mayer.
If only Roger Federer had played this kind of calm, steady, persistent tennis regardless of the score line earlier in the year, Pete Sampras would have one less record standing right now.
If a final in Toronto, a title in Cincinnati, a final in Shanghai and a title in Stockholm within the space of 3 months were signs of a player “lacking motivation”, then he must be one helluva GOAT with motivation.
If only he’d won something other than a Mickey Mouse tournament against an opponent looked like Mickey Mouse.
If the Crown Princess of Sweden gets to do this, THEN I BELIEVE IN MONARCHIES AGAIN.
If a face could launch a thousand ships, then where am I to go?
Before we venture into mushier territories, Vika and Vinci each took home WTA titles in Moscow and Luxembourg respectively. Not much to it – both of them need to pace themselves, Vika for Doha and Vinci for her Fed Cup duties.
On the ATP front, over in Moscow, the Ghost of Trotsky overcame a first set deficit to take home his maiden title, defeating a rude, pissed-off Marcos Baghdatis 3-6 6-4 6-3.
Once seen, CANNOT BE UNSEEN.