Whu-Thu-Fuh Day 1: F-A-C-T-S.
Time for some tennistic FACTS.
Uh-oh, you say. Whenever the word ‘FACT’ is slapped out in caps lock in the interwebs, it spells trouble. But let’s be fair here…
FACT No 1: Judging by first round appearances alone, Andy Toothface is going to kick Wogie McFed’s ass to the moon and back in their next Round Robin encounter. So it’s just as well that – thankfully – we don’t have to go by first round appearances alone. McFeduhruh can play a lot better, Toothface can’t.
At least that’s what I’m hoping in my frazzled state. Already, I’m losing the ability to distinguish Toothface from a carnivorous specimen of the cat family.
FACT No 2: the scoreline 6-1 6-4 doesn’t quite tell the story of the match. Federer alternated between McSquishy tennis and Ferd the Turd mode. In fact, it was such an unnerving, mindless affair at times my knee started to twitch in boredom.
Luckily, he looked like a glazed little cherry, and the looks were sufficiently to distract me from the ghastly tennis he insisted on playing.
Go Cherry go! Pweety pwease, cherrwy on twop. xx
FACT No 3: When Roger Federer thinks dark and steamy thoughts, he get so smokin’ hawt he lights his own pants on fire.
FACT No 4: Oh yeah. This guy was there to watch McFed. Evidently he’s, like, famous or something. (Yeah yeah yeah. I just blasphemed against your Soccer God. Fatwa me.)
FACTS No 6: Federer and Nadal fans need to argue over something worth arguing about. Rafael Nadal wins Sportsman of the Year. Federer wins Fan Favourite. Congratulate the winners and MOVE. ON.
I was surprised by the sheer amount of bile in my twitter feed over something so underwhelming, with Rafa fans crying foul that Federer should be considered a fan favourite (“but surely they voted twice!“) and Federer fans pointing out Rafa’s ball-bouncing, fist-pumping and injury time-outs as evidence that THERE IS A CAMPAIGN FROM ABOVE AGAINST FED.
Okay. Let’s see:
Sure, Nadal has his faults, but players are accustomed to his rituals and manners, and guess how many of them complain? That’ll be a big fat nun. Umm … none. By all accounts, Rafa gets along well with most of the top players, especially the Spanish speakers on tour (of which there are plenty). Are you really surprised that in the year he wins 3 slams, he should get at least some sort of acknowledgement from fellow players?
On the other hand, 20 million users on Facebook. 2 million of them “like” Roger Federer. That’s a one in every 10 Facebook users who thinks Wogie McFudd is worth stalking. Federer boasts enough members on his website to start his own small island nation in the South Pacific. Are you REALLY going to cry foul over the fact that – OH MAH GAH – he’s the fan favourite on tour?
And WHO THE FUCK CARES? It’s not a ranking. It’s not a slam. Let’s argue and war on each other over something that’s worth our time.