Whu-Thu-Fuh Day 1: F-A-C-T-S.

Time for some tennistic FACTS.

Uh-oh, you say. Whenever the word ‘FACT’ is slapped out in caps lock in the interwebs, it spells trouble. But let’s be fair here…

FACT No 1: Judging by first round appearances alone, Andy Toothface is going to kick Wogie McFed’s ass to the moon and back in their next Round Robin encounter. So it’s just as well that – thankfully – we don’t have to go by first round appearances alone. McFeduhruh can play a lot better, Toothface can’t.

At least that’s what I’m hoping in my frazzled state. Already, I’m losing the ability to distinguish Toothface from a carnivorous specimen of the cat family.


FACT No 2: the scoreline 6-1 6-4 doesn’t quite tell the story of the match. Federer alternated between McSquishy tennis and Ferd the Turd mode. In fact, it was such an unnerving, mindless affair at times my knee started to twitch in boredom.

Luckily, he looked like a glazed little cherry, and the looks were sufficiently to distract me from the ghastly tennis he insisted on playing.

Go Cherry go! Pweety pwease, cherrwy on twop. xx


FACT No 3: When Roger Federer thinks dark and steamy thoughts, he get so smokin’ hawt he lights his own pants on fire.


FACT No 4: Oh yeah. This guy was there to watch McFed. Evidently he’s, like, famous or something. (Yeah yeah yeah. I just blasphemed against your Soccer God. Fatwa me.)


FACTS No 6: Federer and Nadal fans need to argue over something worth arguing about. Rafael Nadal wins Sportsman of the Year. Federer wins Fan Favourite. Congratulate the winners and MOVE. ON.

I was surprised by the sheer amount of bile in my twitter feed over something so underwhelming, with Rafa fans crying foul that Federer should be considered a fan favourite (“but surely they voted twice!“) and Federer fans pointing out Rafa’s ball-bouncing, fist-pumping and injury time-outs as evidence that THERE IS A CAMPAIGN FROM ABOVE AGAINST FED.

Okay. Let’s see:

Sure, Nadal has his faults, but players are accustomed to his rituals and manners, and guess how many of them complain? That’ll be a big fat nun. Umm … none. By all accounts, Rafa gets along well with most of the top players, especially the Spanish speakers on tour (of which there are plenty). Are you really surprised that in the year he wins 3 slams, he should get at least some sort of acknowledgement from fellow players?

On the other hand, 20 million users on Facebook. 2 million of them “like” Roger Federer. That’s a one in every 10 Facebook users who thinks Wogie McFudd is worth stalking. Federer boasts enough members on his website to start his own small island nation in the South Pacific. Are you REALLY going to cry foul over the fact that – OH MAH GAH – he’s the fan favourite on tour?

And WHO THE FUCK CARES? It’s not a ranking. It’s not a slam. Let’s argue and war on each other over something that’s worth our time.

xx doots


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40 responses to “Whu-Thu-Fuh Day 1: F-A-C-T-S.”

  1. writersbleedink says :

    Haha, cherrwy on twop!Roger. I didn’t see Murray’s match and actually only half of Feddy’s (it kinda… got boring), but c’mon… It’s not over til it’s over. It hasn’t even started. Personally I don’t frazzle. Trust the Swiss cherry praliné. 😉

    Btw, if this should be one of those “10 facts – … 4. You didn’t realize the 3rd was missing. 5. You just looked.” tests… it doesn’t work. So where is fact number 5?

  2. sue.w says :

    Hi Doots!! Love your description of Wogie!! *Glazed Little Cherry * LOL Oh God he’s gorgeous in Red and blue and black *THUD* and pink and etc etc etc !! Swoooooooooon !!

    As for the match well, he won so I dont care what he did to do it, HE DID so its enough for me!! I’m in contact with RF.Commers who are there and they said the court is very slow but Wogie’s movement managed to make it look fast at times!! God knows what kind of borefest will be going on from the other side of the court whenToothface plays him. I can just see to the BH BH BH BH BH BH BH *yawn* BH BH BH BH BH !! Ghaaaaaaaa !! Just want Roger to blast him off the court and shut our comms up FFS!!! Drooling like maniacs about AM!!! JUST STOP !!

    To a degree, I agree with you re the awards but as I cant abide RN I cant congratulate him……..Sorry!! Pffffffffft! However going on and on about it like a lot of folks are doesnt change anything so as you say time to move on !!
    Keep up the good work and try not to *frazzle* yourself to death!! LOL As the great man says *It is what it is*

  3. Deborah says :

    My only comment on the awards is that according to the tennis media in the US since the US Open, Roger’s accomplishments have been denigrated and found wanting, one by one. Did you know that 9 slams is better than 16? Masters 1000 are harder to win than Slams? that winning three slams in one year once is better than achieving that three times? So I guess Nadal winning the SE award a few months after he cheerfully described getting illegal coaching as he served for USO final seemed a bit bizarre. But, as you pointed out, it’s just crystal vases.

  4. pban says :

    Rafa thinks illegal coaching is par for course??? sorry doots cannot agree with you here.2 wrongs do not make a right,just because players don’t complain doesn’t mean what Rafa does is fair…..and it is a sportsmanship award we are talking about here.

  5. Lady B Good. says :

    Why is Rafa copying Roger’s hairstyle? Agree with you Doots Roger will have to come out with all his guns
    blazing against Toothface on Tuesday, love the photos, especially that one of Rog with all that smoke!
    “You know we couldnt get much higher come on baby light my fire” The Doors.
    “So dont you play with me cause your playing with fire” The Rolling Stones.

  6. Ceeza says :

    I believe the players looks at the Sportsmanship award more as a the Most Outstanding Player award… people are getting hung up on the title of the award… It’s the one time where the players themselves can acknowledge their peers and I believe they vote for the best player of that season.. Anyway Rafas cool he deserves it… I’d rather have Roger get his 5th WTF over a silly award anyway…

  7. Matt Zemek says :

    In the real world, Federer and Nadal fans are Israelis and Palestinians or Tutsi and Hutus (doesn’t matter which one).

    The mindless, petty, inane, bitter, knee-jerk, reflexive, locked-and-loaded warring that takes place between Federer and Nadal fans is reflective of the ancient feuds that still tear up our planet. Yes, in the safe(r) context of sports, it doesn’t matter much, but it is illustrative of the larger problems that never leave our world.

    It is not the same as warring tribes in Afghanistan or Sudan, but for its own sake and within its own decidedly trivial context, Federer and Nadal fans who see “the other player” as a genuine enemy, a hostile figure, need to grow the F— up. This is one of the four things that pisses me off about the world of sports right now, the other three being baseball adding wild-card playoff teams, college football using the Bowl Championship Series system, and the NFL not doing more to promote both player safety and medical care for retired players.

    • ClayBuster says :

      “It is not the same as warring tribes in Afghanistan or Sudan, but for its own sake and within its own decidedly trivial context, Federer and Nadal fans who see “the other player” as a genuine enemy, a hostile figure, need to grow the F— up.”

      Couldn’t have said it better. And it’s even worse: don’t ever have the audacity as being an ‘established’ fan of either of the two to say something nice about the other player. The ‘fake fan’-label is stuck to your forhead immediately by these I****S.

  8. Matt Zemek says :

    As for the YEAR-END CHAMPIONSHIPS (I’m going going to use the three-letter abbreviation that includes the F-word), a Wogie McFeduruh thought:

    OVERRATED: Worrying about beating Murray.

    UNDERRATED: Worrying about Soderling-Ferrer. If Ferrer wins, especially in 3 sets, Federer’s path to the semis – which is really the only purpose of the round-robin – is paved with cherries and gold (money-grab year-end-championship) cream. Keeping in mind that sets and games won determine tiebreakers, Federer and Murray already have commanding leads, and Soderling is mentally fried after winning Bercy. Since Federer crushed Ferrer 2-0 (sets) and 12-5 (games), a Ferrer win puts Roger – the cherry! – on top (of Sod and Ferru).

    Dootsiez’s dreams will never be the same… and her paramour will be in the semis on Saturday.

    So go FERRER against Sod…. THAT is the hidden tension point of tomorrow’s play.

    • Matt Zemek says :

      (“not” should replace the first “going” in the above post – I apologize for typing the way Federer played the second set yesterday)

    • dootsiez says :

      Round robin confuses me … so if Ferrer beats Sod, Wogie will be ahead of Sod and Ferrer no matter what happens? How does that work?!

  9. astraldrops says :

    There was actually a fight over Federer winning fan favourite? Glad I missed that bile. Sometimes, some Rafa fans can be bitter for no reason.

  10. Katarina_YYZ says :

    When I see the “steamy” pic, I hear the first few seconds of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” in my head. Show them how you’re funky, strong is your fight, Rog! 😛

  11. roadrunnerz says :

    “yeah, yeah, I just blasphemed against your soccer god. Fatwa me.”

    Heh heh heh. I like soocer but can’t stand Maradona. “Hand of God my a***”

    That and your comparing Fed to a glazed cherry makes me realize why I flove your blog.

    Agree that if Fed and Mandy both play like they did in their first round it’s not going to look pretty for Federpoop…

    And also agree that the whole fan favourite/SE award reactions kinda took me by surprise. Mind you, I was kinda surprised Nadal won. Not in a “how dare they pick that bastard” kinda way…but in a “guess the other players don’t mind his ticks as much as I thought they did.” Truthfully I couldn’t care much either…it all kinda reminds me of the Bristol Palin ‘conspiracy’ on Dancing with the Stars (for the North American readers here). My loathing for Sarah Palin doesn’t exactly make me care whether or not her daughter wins a dancing reality show…and I’m shocked that so many people do.

    What I really, really want is for Rafa NOT to break Fed’s 16 major record. That WOULD make me shed a tear or two.

    • dari says :

      dont you mean roger’s 17,18,19… slam record!!
      rogie aint done yet.
      but yes, however many majors roger has at the end of his career, i hope it remains more than that of rafa’s.
      in fact, i hope it remains the most into perpetuity. i wont be there “in perpetuity” but how about just my lifetimek?m

  12. Rich says :

    Loved the Toothface/Cat image. You should submit it to Wertheim’s long lost siblings bit.

    This court is so slow that Sod couldn’t even put a short ball away with his Hammer of Thor forehand against Murray. I expect Fed to hit about two dozen droppers tomorrow.

  13. Jasmine says :

    the whole end of year award’s reserved for head cheerleader and the valedictorian……what about the head case who’ll set his hair on fire with the bunsen burner ’cause someone dared him (Mikhail Youzhn) or the kid who looks like he’s been held back a couple of grades (Ivan-Ljubicic) or the STD packed skank who’s been round the blocks (Fernando Verdasco) or the weird looking chick who gets to hang out with popular girl ‘cause they were kindergarten friends (Yves Allegro)

    when will the poster children for mediocrity be celebrated people?

  14. steve says :

    Part of Nadal is the worshipful little brother who always admires Federer. The other part unconsciously seeks to overthrow and supplant his older, more successful sibling.

    Nadal lives in denial of this. It seems he has to live in this bubble of denial to play his best tennis: always seeing himself as the underdog, always second, always injured, always having to play on his worst surface, etc. etc.

    The more he wins, the louder he proclaims Federer’s primacy. And I’m like: buddy, whom are you trying to convince? Us? Or yourself? Why not own up to your own ambition. Can’t you just be honest with yourself?

    I’ve tried to like the guy, but there’s just so much repression behind that goofy grin and endearing accent. So much about him that hints of weird, unsavory, subterranean goings-on.

    In an interview written after he won the AO last year, one finds the following:

    Nadal beat 74th-ranked Frederico Gil 7-5, 6-3, walked off the court and disappeared. Maymo waited in the locker room until Nadal showed 15 minutes later, steaming from a sprint on the elliptical trainer. “I wasn’t happy with my play,” he said, “so I punished myself.”

    So he wins a match, and he physically “punishes” himself (his words), almost like a flagellant repenting for his sins. You have to wonder: what does the guy do when he loses?

    Perhaps someday we may find out the real story, and I think we may not like what we find.

    • dari says :

      Well, Steve, you sure have created a creepy landscape for Rafa! I am also wary of Rafa’s “humility” and am convinced there is tons of shady shit in the nadal camp. Nothing illegal or anything, but the way I imagine it, they are some calculating sons of guns.
      But calculating is totally within the realm of what you should do when you are trying to be the best in your sport. It’s not like he doesn’t have the goods on court to back it ALL up, ya know?
      So I won’t hold my breath on a breaking nadal sex/murder/steroids scandal, but I will take that crooked grin with some skepticism, and if he ever gives me some Quely biscuits I will have some one test them first.
      Mr. Nadal won his match tonight, if you didn’t already know it!

    • Katarina_YYZ says :

      Wow, that story reminds me of David Ferrer’s “punishment room.” What is it with these Spaniards and this pain and punishment fetish?

      I don’t really think of Nadal as “cheating” but I do think of his time wasting/ MTOs/ looking at his box, etc as bad sportsmanship. He can be the player of the year for his results but don’t give him an award with the word “Sportsmanship” in it. His on-court sportsmanship is average at best.

      I think there’s lot of brainwashing from Uncle Toni and I don’t think Rafa himself knows who he really is. And, like you Steve, I made an effort to like him, but I failed. Something shifty and unsettling there; a bad feeling I can’t shake.

    • roadrunnerz says :

      I don’t think his inability to acknowledge being the favourite in any tournament is so much sinister as it is superstitious.

      I can relate, as I can’t stand when someone tells me, “you’re going to do so great at such and such…” My first reaction/thought is always, always… “PLEASE don’t jinx me by saying that!” And I’d like to think I’m a pretty rational, reasonable adult. But when it comes to that…I can’t help it.

      At the same time it’s also one of the things I flove about Fed. That he’s never afraid to “own it.” That he’s unapologetically self-confident. I remember Madrid 2009, where he’d been playing poorly leading up to it and in a pre-tournament interview Fed pretty much said flat-out. “Yeah, I can win this.” I remember thinking, “Really, dude? Are you sure you want to announce that? How about aiming for a good result?”

      But he did. Win it. Of course.

      • elisha says :

        That honesty from Roger is something many Americans don’t quite understand either, I think. For a nation that should be quite used to pompous, douchebag-like athletes, they really can’t seem to stand it whenever Roger is confident about his chances. Did they want, “Oh, I’m not sure I can really win this…” Nah, Roger Federer does not roll that way. I’m sure he knows the danger of each and every opponent, but he’s still going to be confident that things can/will go his way.

        • dari says :

          Hmmm, is that the general international consensus on this? I would think Americans would understand Roger’s confidence, are you sure they represent his largest group of detractors? In that case, the distaste may just be due to a lack of a LEADING American. Roddick is great, but he is not winning majors right now. Hmmm… Maybe they think roger is effeminate? or his grace is not appreciated, they want more of a brute (which Roger actually is!) Anyway, pondering this now. BTW, I am an American.

        • steve says :

          In America athletes are taught to be pious and put on a big show of fake humility and other unctuous, simpering BS. It’s much like politics.

          The kind of pompous douchebaggery that athletes engage in here isn’t “I’m so great.” It’s more like “Aw shucks, it’s no big thing. Anyone could do it. I’m just so grateful to God and my family, “blah blah blah.” Downplaying your own achievements, like Nadal does.

          You have someone like Kobe Bryant, who, when asked about how it felt to win the Lakers’ latest championship, replied bluntly “One more than Shaq.” And he’s considered a bad sport for saying things like that. But I like it.

          Federer is as straightforward as the arrow’s flight. He’s an honest guy. If he thinks he’s the favorite he’ll say “I am the favorite.” If he thinks he played well, he’ll say “I played well.” If he thinks he played badly, he’ll say “I played badly.” He’s totally upfront. It’s one of the reasons I like him.

    • dootsiez says :

      Rafa sinister?

      I’m not buying Steve. For the same reason that many Rafa fans/Fed haters make up theories that all is not what it seems with Federer. I do however agree with you that I find Federer’s honesty and ‘tell it like it is’ attitude rather refreshing in sport. He’s neither arrogant or falsely modest.

  15. pban says :

    Totally agree with steve on the rafa issue, I never try to like anyone I don’t at first impression so I was spared Katrina_YYZ’s travails in trying to like Rafa.I know a lot of you guys appreciate Rafa and he may be a good guy but I just feel he is not completely honest about why he actually plays tennis.His matches almost seem like an exorcism ritual,no wonder he has such a laborious game.

  16. Freudo says :

    Can anyone explain to me how I can get a real avatar to accompany my post? Thanks in advance.

  17. Matt Zemek says :


    With Sod-Ferrer still yet to start, here’s the reason why Ferrer winning WAS generally better for Wogie (it doesn’t mean anything now; Fed’s in the semis, case closed.)

    Simply, since Fed won a comprehensive victory over Ferrer and had not yet played Soderling, it made sense for Ferrer to then win, just in case Soderling plays devil-may-care tennis and beats Fed in straights on Thursday (Friday in Australia).

    In any format that involves potential tiebreaks determined by head-to-head results, you want the players (or teams) you beat to then knock off competitors. If Federer had played and beaten Soderling on Sunday and was scheduled to play Ferrer on Thursday, then a Soderling win over Ferrer would have been the best outcome.

    Summary: If player A beats player B in a 4-person round-robin, it’s in the best interests of player A to have player B then beat player C (with player D – Murray – advancing in a cannibalistic series of events).

    Right now, the only way Fed could not make the semifinals is 3-pronged:

    A) Soderling murders Ferrer in a lopsided match and then murders Federer in similar fashion;

    B) Murray murders Ferrer.

    Wogie McFeduruh is 4-0 in sets and 24-11 in games. Murray is 2-2 in sets and 18-17 in games. Soderling is 0-2 in sets and 5-12 in games; ditto for Ferrer.

    For Federer to not make the semis, Murray and the Soderling-Ferrer winner have to win two matches, first of all, so if Ferrer beats Soderling, that means Soderling can’t win two matches. It also means that Murray or Ferrer will fail to win two matches, since they have yet to play each other.

    Following me so far? A Ferrer win guarantees Fed a place in the semis, but let’s play out the string and go over the possibility of Fed not making the semis:

    Federer can do no worse than 4-2 in terms of sets won versus sets lost. Soderling (and Murray) must at least match this total record in sets and then exceed Federer’s games won versus games lost ratio.

    With Fed at 24-11 in games (in 2 matches), Murray at 18-17 (in 2 matches), and Sod at 5-12 (1 match), you can begin to grasp the math at work. Federer is plus-13 in games, Murray plus-1, and Soderling minus-7. This means that Federer would have to lose at net total of at least 12 games to Murray and 20 games to Soderling.

    If Ferrer wins just one set in this match, Federer is officially in the semis. Even if Sod beats Ferrer in straights, Sod must straight-set Federer in decisive fashion on Thursday just to stay alive. Murray would have to give Ferrer a straight-set beatdown, too, in order for Wogie to miss out on Saturday’s semis.

    For perspective, a 6-4, 6-4 Soderling win over Federer would fall well short of what Soderling would need to advance in a 3-way tie decided by sets and games won…. and that’s not even counting today. If Sod beats Ferru 4 and 4, he’d still be minus-three in games won (17-20).

    The math would look like this:

    Federer: 24-11
    Soderling: 17-20

    If Sod then won 2 and 2 against Wogie, it would produce this:

    Federer: 28-23
    Soderling: 29-24

    The two men would both be plus-5, but Soderling would have 1 more game and would therefore advance… but ONLY if he wins 2 and 2 or MORE decisively.

    Soderling and Murray have to win pure bloodbaths the rest of the way to deny Fed the semis.

    Class dismissed.

  18. Lady B Good. says :

    WOW! Our Sweet cherry legend in Red, beat Toothface! short and very SWEET viewing, i must say, yum, yum!
    In fact Andy was FED to the lions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Go get the Sod on Thursday, sweet Roger, and finish top of the group!
    Love you, keep it coming champ!

  19. sue.w says :

    Our Darling Boy did the business against Toothface and HOW!! What a little beauty! Love to see *Swearwolf * lumbering around like the bag of sh** he is!!! Ha Ha Ha !! In your face all comms/media and crap brigade with your super duper predictions!! And what the hell was AM wearing!! Looked like my grandad !! LOL Onward to Sods, show him who you are Wogie and kill him in straights too !!! ………….Oh and Go Bert for today !!!!

  20. tennis_diva says :

    5 million fans on facebook, unless he gained 3 mil after you wrote this post.

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