The only thing less pleasant than getting PUNCHED IN THE OVARIES.

Since a picture paints 1000 words, I’ll let my supersadz pug brigade do all the talkin’.

Don’t get me wrong. Novak Djokovic is breathing out balls of fire and confidence these days. Still lossless in 2011, the guy’s on a streak so hot he’s giving his own father a permanent erection. Playing him so soon after the Aus Open was always going to be a tough job. Given that it was a minor tournament, in an attempt to be a modest fangirl, I prepared myself for a loss, cheered for the best and hoped for some good tennis.

But come, the fuck, on. Wogie McFed, what is with this tennis thing that you purportedly played in the Dubai final?

Built up to be a Blockbuster match of revenge, the Dubai final turned out to be an easy 6-3 6-3 drubbing by the Djoker. It would all be very well if the Djoker played brilliant tennis to win, which in part – he did. But while the first set may have featured Novak Djokovic piling up bricks of pressure on Federer like his name was Bob the Builder, the second set was nothing short of underwhelming, loose, and down right shite.

With Djoko fast losing concentration and the crowd firmly behind Federer, Wogie came out in the second set with an early break, and held to go up 3-1. But just as he looked like he had turned the corner, Wogie suddenly transformed into Robocop (né Ferd), and miraculously managed to lose the next FIVE GAMES to concede the match in a whimper.

….URRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGH!

I was so angry I could’ve BLOWN UP my ovaries in protest, but I settled for eating all of Federbear’s cookies instead. TAKE THAT, stoopid bear!

You may be a TOTAL LOSER, but ohmigosh, you’re still pwetty.

Onto less vein-popping tournament results:

Over in Acapulco, Ferru finally inflicted on Almug his first clay loss of the season in a 7-6, 6-7, 6-2 win over his compatriot, making this Ferrer’s 11th title, second in 2011.

“I didn’t think I could win here twice in a row and I realise I am having the best season start of my career this year. I hope I can continue like that this season.”

We talk too often in tennis about players who never quite live up to their immensely evident talents (COUGHGULBISCOUGH), but has there ever been a player who has made more of his God-given abilities than David Ferrer?

Name one. I dare ya.

While your Site Mistress is hardly a member of del Potro fan brigade, it was good to see him bounce back from a potentially career-threatening with a title at Delray Beach, although he seemed just as impressed as I was about his glass fallopian-tubes trophy.

On the genuine fallopian side of thing, Vera Zvonareva took home a Qatari Falcon of her own after a breakfest win of 64 64 over Pushniacki. This victory marks Vera’s first title in more than a year, making her the WTA’s new “Svetlana Kuznetsova circa 2007-8”.

She’ll be hoping she has turned the corner when it comes to converting finals, as the tour heads to Indian Wells, where Vera was a former champ.

Enough weekend recapping, back to my pug face. 😡

xx doots

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