News you can’t use: Shoulder Blades of Glory.
1. Say what you want about these collarless crews Nike has dished up for Fed since Miami – sure, they’re drab, unimpressive and generally forgettable. But they do have one advantage over Federer’s usual array of shirts: they highlight his wide, suit-wearing SHOULDER BLADES OF GLORY rather nicely. (And the V-neck highlights his moobs, but that’s a whole other conversation we can have privately, ya know?)
It was a fairly routine win over Kohlismyrubber, as Wogie sashayed his way past his practice partner in 50 minutes with minimal effort. Say WHUT? A clay court match that doesn’t slug on into temporal infinity like a tennistical rendition of Wagner’s Ring Cycle? Surely, Federer must be doing it ALL WRONG.
As Roger quite accurately assessed himself, we’ve seen Kohlschreiber play better, but with stats like 21 winners to 9 unforced errors, there’s nothing for me to complain about aside from the lack of a bonus shirt change. Oh well, can’t have your Federcakes and eat him too.
Federer plays Marin Cilic next (H2H 1-0) after Cilic’s opponent Riba retired.
Elsewhere, there’s nothing like the feel of terre battue underneath a downtrodden Spaniard’s feet. Daveed Ferrer spared no friendly shots for Feli, taking out the Hardened Abs of the ATP 62 60. Also a good day for la République as Gasquet channelled some red dirty mojo to defeat Garcia Lopez 62 61 and Monfools passed FabFog 75 62.
2. In other news you can’t use, I recommend sunglasses and SPF 30+ before you lay your eyes on PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of Serena Williams, back on a tennis court after her foot injury, surgery … blood clot, pulmonary embolism, hematoma … bird flu, anthrax, Sars, a common cough and cold … oh WAIT
Seriously though, welcome back to a tennis court Serena. You’ve been missed. And I can’t think of a more appropriate way to remind us all of your larger than life presence/absence in tennis than by wearing a giant. pink. condom.
Hang on, did I say “seriously“?
Why would you believe me?
3. Kim Clijsters in doubt for the French Open. All hail the health of the women’s tour. In all senses of the word “health”. At least the Danes are excited.
That’s all, bitchezzz.