Picspam: Exceptionally attractive people in suits probably won’t make you appreciate your share of the human gene pool, but they WILL soothe that terrible anguish in your privates.

Oh Madrid.

You might be one giant clusterfuck of a tournament from the corny ball girls to the utterly unnavigable website, but bring me Roger Federer doing his squinty Sex-Face at the camera and I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVAZ.

Roger, Rafa, Murray, as well as WTA ladies Aravene Rezai and Safina attended the Madrid Open Gala last night as the tournament kicked off.  I’m sure you’ll agree with me that Mr Vavrinec chose an excellent tie for the occasion.


On the other hand, I’m really not digging this spotted navy blue tie and shiny jacket combo from Haggisface. But then again, you can’t go too wrong in black and white.


Every time I see Rafa’s hair, I am overcome by a sudden urge to weep … or look for any canaries flying out from behind his head.



Yes. Marat effing Safin. With his baby sister.

I’m awesome and you’re welcome.


Provided you can see past the sssslew of sssssleaze ssssssslithering off him, Charly Moya really ain’t so bad looking.

I’m just sayin’.


I think everyone took the “black tie” dress code a little too literally.



It’s just a little unfortunate that Safina looks like his mother in his photo. Oops.


JCF took it upon himself to show Rafa how to use hair products to great effect, with a hairline that resembles the rugged cliffs of Moher. Yumz.


I have no idea why Wogie is squinting in every photo. I’m assuming he thinks that’s his Sex-Face the way some women think pouting is theirs.

Poor deluded puppies. *pouts towards computer screen*


Wait … that’s it? I demand MOAR TENNIS PORN. MOAR!

xx doots


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15 responses to “Picspam: Exceptionally attractive people in suits probably won’t make you appreciate your share of the human gene pool, but they WILL soothe that terrible anguish in your privates.”

  1. Alex says :

    Madrid has just been PORN-ified. Thanks.

  2. A_Gallivant says :

    This better not be the best moment Madrid has to offer. I must agree on the gel. Grown man + gel = travesty.

  3. Caroline Paquin says :

    I want more Wogie and Marat! But geez, how Marat looks short next to his sister! 😯

  4. Marcoiac says :

    Terrible anguish in your privates? In the title? Good work! Best tennis blog ever. I knew it, but it gets better and better 🙂
    Marat is a cool dude, no doubt about it. And hey, ball girls in Madrid are just fabulous 🙂
    Let’s hope Fed remembers his gliding fabulousness on the damn court!

  5. Nancy says :

    Wogie isn’t squinting. That’s just his come hither look. I’m on my way Wogie. Hold on.

  6. dari says :

    omg, who stole roger’s eyes! cause i can’t find them anywhere!
    JCF, whi-stle.
    ditto to what you said about rafa’s hair- what the H, rafael?
    i do like that they asked for dressier attire, i love when andy M is forced to dress up!
    moya “not bad looking”?! i thought he was a universal hunk!
    did he do something sleazy i don’t know about?
    THANK YOU FOR THESE, i’m officially ready for the tourney!

  7. dari says :

    PS, “Mr. Vavrinec” sounds so good. “Roger Vavrinec”
    i don’t know who this guy is, but he sounds pretty hot and like he would be good at tennis 😉

  8. caliope says :

    Roger looks sooooooooo hoooooot!!!! and Safin!!!! OMG how can he look that good and have such a weird looking sister??

  9. Pratha says :

    woohoo…..This Super-sexy Swiss guy can make any bloody outfit look GORGEOUS!He’s to die for…. 😀 I’m so happy with the sudden flood of photos after a Roger drought that could have got me into ICU had it continued any longer! lol
    Marat’s absolutely DELICIOUS!Tie or no tie,shirt or no shirt,shorts or no shorts – …..err….I’m sorry,my imagination’s working overtime! – he’s amazingly handsome! Though I can’t say that about his sister.Safina’s been “away” from the Tour for so long and yet she hasn’t been able to lose weight?What’s she doing with all the free time that she has these days? lol
    Thanks for these gems Doots! 😀

  10. Sue.W says :

    OMG How good it is to see the DDG one again!! Sex-face or not he is HOT HOT HOT!!
    Toothface is just………..ha ha ha when dressed up, it obviously doesnt come erm natural to him and whats with his hair !!!!!!!!!!!! Good grief he’s horrible!!
    Everyones hair fails miserably in comparison to Wogie’s !! The K of C looks yuk, and soooooooo awkward whenever he’s in these situations, not a bit like our boy who is at total ease !! Marat…………….THUD he is sooooo scrumptious , have to feel sorry for Dinara, she just doesnt ‘have it’ unlike her brother!!
    Good to see you back Doots!!

  11. is it more or does says :

    rafa looks like the late Anthony Perkins? You know the 1960’s Psycho dude!!

  12. lapinroyal says :

    These tennis girls should really use so paint brush for their tan line… EEEK!
    Thank you for the Wogie’s hair…

  13. Joan Moore says :

    The secret for a man (athletic one) looking good in a suit is probably to have it custom made for you. Roger obviously does as they emphasize his best features, long lean body and broad shoulders–whew! Nadal is just plain uncomfortable looking no matter how much he might spend or how many tailors he hires. He is the proverbial “country boy makes good”, while Roger looks like a Swiss banker in his dress up clothes.

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