Aus Open Day 1: And it was all yellow …

Sharapova AO 2013

Emerald green may have been decreed by Pantone as the colour of the year, but the colour of the Happy Slam is clearly yellow, as both Nike, Adidas, and “the Others” all brought out cheery, yellow coloured gear as a homage to one of the national colours of the host nation.

If only the tennis was bright and cheery. Day 1 of the Aus Open brought with it a drama free procession of the top players, starting with Sugapova’s double bagelling of Puchkova, who more than lived up to the tired puns on her name.

Venus came through with some of the most stunning tennis I’ve seen from her since she returned from illness, winning 61 60 over Voskoboeva. But it was her press conference that was the real highlight of the day. Among her many choice quotes, this one I’m saving for the education of my first born.

Q.  A couple of Miami tournament questions.  They made a few improvements last year, temporary, but they have pretty much been okayed to revamp the site and everything.  You have been going there.  It’s your home tournament.  How important do you think it is for them to kind of upgrade that facility?

VENUS WILLIAMS:  Well, obviously you have to update.  Don’t be late.  That’s one of my mottos.  You don’t want to keep wearing the mullet when it’s not the ’80s anymore.  (Laughter.)

When asked about her vegan diet, Venus claims she’s actually a “cheagan”.

 Q.  What do you get to cheat with when you get to cheat?

VENUS WILLIAMS:  If it’s on your plate I might get to cheat.  If you’re sitting next to me, good luck.  You turn your head once and your food might be gone. (Laughing.)

I’m not perfect, but I try.

I guess that would make me a vecheatarian. Have a read of the whole thing if you have time, it radiates happiness and contentment. What a joy to still have Vee around.

Cibulkova Aus Open 2013

Adidas Aus Open 2013

Among other winners of the day on the women’s side, Angelic Carebear took out Elina Svitolina 62 64, while Madison Keys defeated Casey Dellacqua 64 76(0) in front of a raucous crowd for her first ever win at the Aus Open.

This win follows a good week in Sydney last week, where Keys came through qualifying and tested Li Na in the quarters before eventually losing in 3 sets. Only time will tell how much I’ll eventually end up liking this kid, but you can do worse than a young player with a massive game and the sort of temperament that allows her to control the tempo of play on court. I’m intrigued, but not sold.

Keys Aus Open 2013

Kerber Aus Open 2013

On the men’s side, the trend of yellow continued in winning fashion. Fiasco managed to defy schadenfreudian expectations of him being the first men’s seed to fall (the honour going to Pico instead) by actually winning in 5 sets against Goffin, vice president of the Roger Federer Players Fan Club. The disparity in the amount of hair products used between those two was a matter of grave injustice.

Verdasco Aus Open 2013

Melzer Aus Open 2013

Melzer def Kukushkin 61 61 62

Ferrer Aus Open 2013

Ferrer def O.Rock 63 64 62

Barty Aus Open

For the Aussies, it was a day of “OI OI ohfuckit’s”, with Sam Stosur the only Aussie to progress through the second round. So in addition to being completed TROLLS, the Tennis Gods also have a sense of irony.

It was deja vu for Matt Ebden, as he lost to Headbanger in 5 sets after being up 2 sets to 0 – the same pattern as last year. Ash Barty had the crowd ready party after she took the first set against Cibulkova, but no-showed for the next two sets to be bundled out in 3.

The real heartbreak of the night was the ol’ favourite, Rusty, who lacked the pace, the speed and the confidence under pressure to really trouble the Misogynist today, losing in straight sets. On the plus side, the first two sets could have gone either way before Tipsy took control over the third set.

Watching the crowd live and die by every one of Hewitt’s shot today, I couldn’t help feeling somewhat hopeful that if I – who never liked Hewitt in his younger days – could learn to grow fond of the guy as he mellows into his thirties, maybe, just maybe, Bernard Tomic may have one more chance to growthefuckup and become a decent guy. Or is that too much wishful thinking?

Speaking of Bernie, he plays on RLA tomorrow night. Quelle surprise. Federer is third up day session on RLA, making it his 57th consecutive match on centre court in Melbourne.   Yeah that’s right – FIRST MCFUDD MATCH OF THE YEAR, COME FORTH AND QUENCH MY THIRST.

One down, 13 to go. Happy slammin’.

xx doots


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