What They Wore: Winners and Sinners

They were the best of the rest, and the worst of the rest. These are the outfits that have made an impression in 2010, for one reason or another.

Let’s start with the worst, shall we? There is always something sinfully fun about criticizing someone else’s outfit.

1. Caroline Wozniacki, Australian Open til Roland Garros

Oh Stella, Stella, Stella. As far as clothing’s concerned, Ms McCartney has been everyone else’s favourite punching bag for 2010. But there is a reason for that: which part of shapeless, slate-grey rags with leaf patterns suggest “fashion hit” to you? Just look at poor Carol’s indignant face of pain OH WAIT –

That’s her normal game face.

2. Caroline Wozniacki, US Open til Will-This-Ever-End?

It’s semi-sheer. There is some form of bodice/bondage with horizontal stretch marks on the fabric. It hovers over her upper thigh, leaving you wondering where “the rest of it” has gone. Is it possible to give CWoz – a young, fit, female athlete – bulges where bulges do not exist?

Why yes! As Stella would say, “Impossible is NOTHING”.

3. Victoria Azarenka, US Open Series

I geddit. I geddit! Nerd is chic. Socially awkward, borderline Aspergers folks like Mark Zuckerberg are all the rage, programming your life into “walls” and “pokes” and “relationship statuses”. It’s okay. It’s about time.

But COME THE FUCK ON. There is nothing remotedly chic about wearing the double helix.

4. Aravane Rezai, Gold Foil 2010

There is so much gold foil going on here you wonder how many Lindt Bunnies died to make this dress. Don’t go around wearing this near a microwave oven now.

5. Aravane Rezai, Life in Plastic, It’s Fantastic.

Ever seen one of those “eco-fashion” shows?

They’re a bit like the modern Emperor’s New Clothes. Everyone claps along politely and talks about the importance of sustainability, environmental protection, when all the while, they are furiously trying to figure out why there are models parading around wearing ACTUAL PLASTIC BAGS.

That was how I felt, upon sighting this horror.

6. Marin Cilic, Davis Cup Tragic

I do not fucking care! No really. I do not. Whatever your national colours; however strong your “team spirit”, there is no excuse for wearing a picnic blanket on court.

7. Marin Cilic, US Open Tragic

Own up. Which one of you menstruated over him?

(I DID NOT WANT TO SAY IT IT CALLED OUT TO ME TO BE SAID)

8. Sam Stosur, First Half of 2010

There are many things to be said about this orange-ish, peachy, shapeless mess. But I believe Jodi of Tennis From Beyond the Baseline summed it up best when I ran into her at the Australian Open earlier in 2010:

“No one needs an apricot dress.”

Those are some of the worst outfits I personally remember in 2010. Have I missed any other travesties of international proportions? Lemme know.

But until then, without further ado: the best of the rest.

1. Gael Monfils, US Open

It was his first year with K-Swiss, and already, they’ve captured Gael’s personality so much more accurately than Nike ever did.

I don’t love or hate the clothes and hair per se. If Wogie had walked out looking like that, I would be banging my head against a rock hoping I destroy enough brain cells to make me forget it all.

But on Monfools, it all fell together to look so … Monfoolish. Likey likey.

The black and neon green version was also a little be funky.

2. Sam Stosur, US Open

This reminded me of Flavia Pennetta’s US Open 2009 dress, it was crisp, it was fitted, and I don’t know about you, but I personally have no issues with female athletes actually looking like female athletes.

Want to promote positive body image for young women? Celebrities posing nude for fashion glossies don’t help in the slightest. But seeing someone like Sam Stosur exude fitness and strength does.

The dark purple version, which was also lovely.

3. Pretty In Pink

What is it about Victoria Azarenka that just looks so good in pink?

If “real men wear pink”, then ironically, girls-gals often look horrendous in pink. Sure – it’s a feminine colour, but too much feminine pinkness can make it look like you accidentally ate Hello Kitty for breakfast.

Vika, on the other hand, gets the balance right in both her Australian Open and Roland Garros outfits.

That’s another thing: happy young people looking like happy young people. A point the likes of Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic often miss in their effort to look photoshop-worthy on court.

Talking about pink, I thought Alona Bondarenko looked like a teenage dream in her Australian Open dress.

4. Vera Zvonareva, Roland Garros 2010

Like Vera herself, K-Swiss is rather underrated. The colours are fresh. The combination of the pleated skirt and the simple tank top is sporty and feminine.

She doesn’t get many fancy, seasonal outfits every year, but you can always depend on Vera Zvonareva to look professional and sleek, 100% of the time.

5. Michelle Louder de Bretter, Wimbledon 2010

My favourite dress of the year has nothing to do with fancy tulle, vibrant colours or original designs. At the end of the day, it comes down to simplicity, class, and something that I can picture myself wearing. Not to mention, I love white and navy.

Anyone know who it’s by? I thought she was with adidas?

xx doots

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LA Picspam: talk about a perfect tennis universe…

Let’s see? Slammin’ Sammy beat Ana Ivanovic, Masha Fierce survived a three-setter against ABond, Zheng Jie did my ancient ancestors proud and took down the Real World No 1. Not to mention – Zvonareva and both the Rads are still in the draw – just in time for live streaming.

Seriously, Tennis Gods, why are you being so good to me? Are you just sweetening me up before you deliver the blow? That’s it isn’t it?! You cruel, sadistic pranskters. 

 

I loved the fact that Zheng Jie took down Dinara Safina. Nothing against Safina. It was just oddly satisfying to see a small Asian girl topple the pinnacle of Big Babe tennis. Me? Living vicariously through Zheng Zheng Jie Jie? Am not!

Without seeing any of the matches (and WHY WASN’T THIS BROADCASTED?) I can’t say much about Safina’s loss, except that surrendering a 4-2 lead in the final set to lose the match 75 46 64 is just so-bloody-Safinesque.

Oh Dinara, of all the qualities you could’ve shared with Marat… 

 

 

It was revenge time for Masha Fierce, who recovered well after losing the first set, and squared things with ABond, 46 60 63 .

The double faults stats are still a hot mess, but the girl’s into her fifth quarterfinal in six tournaments, which is more than I can say about anyone in the top 5 right now. 

When Maria Sharapova lines you up with her racquet, you know she’s shooting to kill.

 

 

It was a day of sweet revenges, as Sam Stosur also scored a victory over Giggles. It’s fair to say that it’s no longer considered an upset when Ana loses to Stosur. They’re both in the top 20, Stosur’s in the best form of her career, more motivated and calmer under pressure. Ana the exact anti-thesis. Still, I didn’t expect to see a 63 62 victory in just over an hour. 

Don’t know what’s going on with Giggles, but that should not be the face of someone who just lost. At least have the decency to look like you care.

 

 

Less time on golf courses and more time on tennis courts, dearie. 

 

Even more good news to add to my perfect but fragile tennis universe – Rafa’s practing in Montreal, looking rather solemn – as Rafa would.

Dude, how can you possibly look that serious when you’re skipping? Adorbs.

 

AP Photo/The Canadian Press,Graham Hughes

 

Ivanovic photo credit: GOTOTENNIS – if you’re starving for some proper LA coverage, then get your ass over there. Go on!

Other images via Daylife

Pic-spam time: the Buzz before the Storm.

The players are all down to business this week, trying to get some extra match practice before the French Open. 

 

Maria Sharapova went out over night to Alona Bondarenko, making a whole lot of unforced errors along the way. Perhaps even more disturbing is how weak the serve was, not in terms of service percentage, but pace. It’s still hard to tell if she’ll ever get back to her pre-injury level, which, granted, was the best form of her career. But at least she got 3 matches under her belt going into Roland Garros, which was what her team wanted for her this week.  

 

While some players have chosen to play tournaments in the week leading up to Roland Garros, others like JJ, Ana Ivanovic, and Amelie Mauresmo are hitting up a storm on the practice courts in Paris. Meanwhile, Venus and Serena were spotted riding bikes in Paris. If I were a globe-trotting millionaire tennis inc, I would ride bikes in Paris too. Everyday.  

 

 

Image Credit: YBF.com, rolandgarros.com, mosaics by myself.