It’s Day 1 folks, apart from drooling over Federer’s “beautiful lines” and his outfit, which turned out to be pleasantly stark against the colour of the court, there ain’t much to say. Or is there?
Firstly, the obligatory drooling session starts … now:
I will never get over his uncanny balance…
Or the aesthetic value of his movement…
Slobber slobber, slurp slurp…
End of drooling session.
Roger had a comfortable victory over American teen Devin Britton, 6-1, 6-3, 7-5, while becoming tennis’s new 50 million dollar man.
In other news, Dootsie has FINALLY been freed from the tyranny of credit card slavery. See Roger? We’re not so different after all.
Money aside, it was a pretty uneventful match. The only thing I learnt from that match is that Devin Britton and I are clearly meant to be best friends. He’s practically stealing words out of my mouth. Can you picture Dootsie saying this about RFed?
“He’s the best. [gush] No weakness. [blush] I mean, [demented] I didn’t know what to do. [shrilly] I was just trying to play my game and see what happens, [FAIL] but, you know, he was pretty controlling of the points. [sadistic] You know, he’s No. 1 in the world for a reason. [love-heart pupils]”
Admittedly, Britton was quite nervous during the match, claiming that Roger was even better than he looked on TV, ‘watching on TV I don’t think you can really tell exactly. I mean, he obviously looks unbelievable on TV, but playing against it was even more tough, you know. It was so scarey. I was pretty scared.’
Heh, I don’t even know what my reaction would be if Roger Federer was standing across the net from me.
Actually I do: I would be on my knees, begging for mercy.
In other results, Venus Williams was a hot mess against Vera Dushevina, overcoming the Russian 6-7, 7-5, 6-3. Venus was error-prone and bothered by her knee during the match, and had to get it strapped by a trainer.
Girl, you’re wearing PINK. Of course you’re going to have knee issues.
The Curse of the Pink Panther:
As always, Vee’s outfit looks better from the back than from the front.
Serena had a much easier time, rolling over Alexa Glatch 6-4 6-1 on her quest for title defence. With her first match under her belt, Serena took the time to talk about her recently released autobiography, where she opens up about her personal life, including the period when she was down in the dumps.
It’s hard to imagine someone so vivacious, fierce and bubbly going through such a tough time in her life.
Serena admitted that it ‘wasn’t easy‘ writing openly about going through therapy, ‘however you get there, whatever way you take to get there is very interesting. That’s one of the routes I take, because I didn’t know where else to go. I felt I didn’t have anywhere else to turn.
Obviously I did, because I did have my family. And looking back on that, I realized that I could have done things different. But, you know, whatever it took to get there, I thought was just to get me motivated. I think ultimately my trip to Africa helped out, as well.’
Pretty sombre stuff from a girl who writes her name in pink. Now I’m tempted to buy her book… sneaky!
Allow me a sigh of relief as James Blake won his R1 match against Hidalgo in straight set, 6-1 6-4 7-5.
After a season plagued with injuries, I have camped myself firmly among the Blake Well-wishers. Dude’s had a knee injury, rolled ankle, and broken toe just this season, which has adversely affected his schedule and training. Give him a break, Tennis Gods. Don’t be such bitches.
Another sigh of relief as Youzhny did the US of A a public service by eliminating PHM from the draw – he spared us all from the assault-on-retinas that is this Adidas giraffe shirt.
Of my Aussie compatriots, Slammin’ Sammy came through a close one against Ai Sugi. While Hewitt stayed on course in his bid to upset Federer in R3. FRAZZLE.
Less fortunate was Jelena Dokic, who is now fighting to save her nightmarish career from total oblivion.
Since her Australian Open run, Dokic has suffered a back injury at Roland Garros, before becoming bed-ridden for two months with my worst enemy – mono. But the girl is still trying to sound upbeat about it all, “I think it counts how many times you get up. Not how many times you fall down. So hopefully I can try to do it one more time and hopefully I won’t have to do it again.”
Jelena will be flying to Italy next week to contest a minor tournament. With a bit of luck, she’ll get herself back in shape physically and avoid sliding out of the top 100. But this is Jelena Dokic we’re talking about, luck is the antithesis of her existence.
As for her future, “The toughest thing is staying positive mentally,’ said Jelena,’hopefully I’ll be healthy the whole of next year’.
For most people, that’s not too much to ask for.
We asked for head shots that don’t make the players look like convicts – the USTA listened.
In fact, Fabio Fognini looks positively smouldering. If only his eyebrows weren’t permanently knotted…
I love the way Thomaz Bellucci narrows his eyes seductively for the mugshot, and then puts on the most innocent little smile for the happyshot. You’ll go far in this industry, m’boy.
Street thug or daddy-next-door? You decide.
Devin Britton, my worst enemy for the next few days. Sorry, cutie patootie.
What a difference a toothy smile makes! Well done USTA.
But unfortunately, even teeth won’t save the Worm. I wish he didn’t try smiling – it obstructs my view of his sexy lips.
FACT: Radek Stepanek has dimples. My perfectly neat world order is now in disarray.
You know you want him,