Where troubles melt like lemon-drops …
1. Sing it with me yo:
“Where trouble melt like lemon-drops, high above the chim-chim-chim-ma-ney tops that’s where … you’ll … fiiiiiind me …”
OH, OH! OH MAH GAH! What is that blinding, glorious light coming from Centre Court in Dubai? Oh never mind, it’s just LEMON-DROP WOGIE.
Lemon-Drop Wogie had his predator face on, which was simply magnanimous. Who can blame Somdev Millionaire for falling victim to it?
2. It was an uneventful day in tennis that saw two of the top players in men’s tennis return for the first time after the Australian Open with easy straight set wins. Both Djoko and Wogie won 63 63 against their opponents (Llodra and Millionaire respectively).
While I didn’t see Wogie’s match against the Millionaire, I did catch the match between Llodra and the Djoker, who – as you would expect – looked like he just drank a highly pungent dose of confidence.
Oh, and he did that thing where he makes his limb stick out of his torso in positions that MAKE NO LOGICAL SENSE TO MY EYEBALLS.
3. Over in Acapulco, Verdasco continued to fall victim to Fake Tennis, losing to Nose Job Bellucci in 3 sets. Seems like if you wanted a token top 10 win on the ATP these days, ‘Dasco is your man.
And speaking of Spaniards: who died and made Almagro the Nadal of second tier clay? Almug heads into the second round at Acapulco undefeated in his previous 2 tournaments. Ferrer wants his clay machine back, yo.
4. In the sad news of the day, Super Mario addicts mourn over the retirement of “got mono? Get law degree!” Ancic at the age of 26. I have no idea how Ancic managed to do an entire law degree while playing tennis on and off. RESPECT, dude!)
While 26 is still young in tennis years, Ancic’s decision came after years of being kept away from the game by a groceries list of injuries and intense smooching with mono-carriers. The frustration of it all finally wore him down.
“I can’t stand it any more, I have finished my career. I’m forced to quit because nature has decided it’s time. My back can’t withstand the effort of professional tennis.”
Mario will of course be remembered for reaching the semifinal of Wimbledon in 2004, and a career high of 7 in the world in 2006, shortly before his body found various ways of rebelling against him.
But contemplate this for a second: but for the existence of Roger Federer, Mario Ancic would have a Wimbledon runner up cookie tray sitting at home. Or possibly the winner’s trophy. That’s something.
And I will leave you to work out which year.
Indian Wells: Crushings and crushes.
1. Ancic’s comeback lasted only two matches before he was crushed by Nadal, 62 62.
Oh Rafa. So mean to Super Mario. 😦
I’ll forgive you though, because you’re wearing those awful ‘grilled steak’ pants and need all the compassion you can get.
Surely Rafa has some input into Nike’s designs for him? If yes, then we need to convert Anna Wintour to Rafaelism, ASAP. If not, the Nadal team needs threaten that unless Nike comes up with better designs, Rafa will play pantless.
I’m sure many of us won’t mind.
2. Talk about crushings, two Aussie women are through to the fourth round of Indian Wells after Sammy brushed past Pavsies, 63 60 in just over an hour. It’ll be a fun one next against a newly coachless Vera Zvonareva, who also sailed past Serbian-killer Ana Sevastova, 62 63.
3. As some players sailed, others suffered crushing defeats. I don’t remember the last time I saw Fernando Verdasco bagelled. He looked listless and miserable as he flubbed his way to a 60 63.
All credit to Birdy, le Beautiful. Sometimes, when he gets on a roll, the only person who can stop him is himself.
4. I missed the match completely: MJMS old-schooled Vika for a 76 62 win.
In related news, she is still my girl-crush. Flavs, who fizzled out in the third set against Shahar Peer, has been demoted.
5. Match of the day between one of the most underrated players of the WTA – Sara Errani and one of the most overrated, Lady Jaja.
It was error-prone and exhausting. The momentum swung like a pendulum in a grandfather clock, yet somehow, it managed to stay entertaining.
JJ remained incapable of putting away a short ball to save her own arse, but the girl managed to run Errani ragged in the end. I’d love to see Sara E do some damage during the clay season.
6. Talk about drama and pendulum swings, Alisa Kleybanova sweat-squeezed Mama Barbie right out of Indian Wells in a see-saw 64 16 76(4) win. Kim led 3-0 in the final set, and 4-0 in the tiebreak before Kleybs rallied back to play the match on her terms.
IT’S BALLBASHING YOU CAN BELIEVE IN FOLKS.
TYPE IN CAPS LOCK.
7. Nikki Vee retires from tennis at the age of 20. She is set to marry Wormy in July. Hands up if you thought she was the real deal at the age of 17?
Don’t be hard on yourselves/me.
Just realised for the first time that Nicole Vaidisova’s younger than me. The fact that she’s about to retire and get married just a year out of her teens both depresses and scares me shitless.
Any bets there’ll be a comeback within 3 years?
Just saw this video up on Youtube. I remember watching this point live during Roland Garros this year. What was a fairly long rally ended with this amazingly struck off forehand, very low, the angle and pace generated was just incredible. My jaw dropped so low it nearly dislocated itself when I first saw it, and watching it for the second, third and fourth time didn’t disappoint either. BBC dedicated an entire blog entry to this, and here I am doing the same 5 months later.
Your thoughts …