Tag Archive | Nicholas Almagro

The only thing less pleasant than getting PUNCHED IN THE OVARIES.

Since a picture paints 1000 words, I’ll let my supersadz pug brigade do all the talkin’.






Don’t get me wrong. Novak Djokovic is breathing out balls of fire and confidence these days. Still lossless in 2011, the guy’s on a streak so hot he’s giving his own father a permanent erection. Playing him so soon after the Aus Open was always going to be a tough job. Given that it was a minor tournament, in an attempt to be a modest fangirl, I prepared myself for a loss, cheered for the best and hoped for some good tennis.

But come, the fuck, on. Wogie McFed, what is with this tennis thing that you purportedly played in the Dubai final?

Wogie is a loser >:O

Built up to be a Blockbuster match of revenge, the Dubai final turned out to be an easy 6-3 6-3 drubbing by the Djoker. It would all be very well if the Djoker played brilliant tennis to win, which in part – he did. But while the first set may have featured Novak Djokovic piling up bricks of pressure on Federer like his name was Bob the Builder, the second set was nothing short of underwhelming, loose, and down right shite.

With Djoko fast losing concentration and the crowd firmly behind Federer, Wogie came out in the second set with an early break, and held to go up 3-1. But just as he looked like he had turned the corner, Wogie suddenly transformed into Robocop (né Ferd), and miraculously managed to lose the next FIVE GAMES to concede the match in a whimper.


I was so angry I could’ve BLOWN UP my ovaries in protest, but I settled for eating all of Federbear’s cookies instead. TAKE THAT, stoopid bear!

You may be a TOTAL LOSER, but ohmigosh, you’re still pwetty.

Onto less vein-popping tournament results:

Over in Acapulco, Ferru finally inflicted on Almug his first clay loss of the season in a 7-6, 6-7, 6-2 win over his compatriot, making this Ferrer’s 11th title, second in 2011.

“I didn’t think I could win here twice in a row and I realise I am having the best season start of my career this year. I hope I can continue like that this season.”

We talk too often in tennis about players who never quite live up to their immensely evident talents (COUGHGULBISCOUGH), but has there ever been a player who has made more of his God-given abilities than David Ferrer?

Name one. I dare ya.


While your Site Mistress is hardly a member of del Potro fan brigade, it was good to see him bounce back from a potentially career-threatening with a title at Delray Beach, although he seemed just as impressed as I was about his glass fallopian-tubes trophy.


On the genuine fallopian side of thing, Vera Zvonareva took home a Qatari Falcon of her own after a breakfest win of 64 64 over Pushniacki. This victory marks Vera’s first title in more than a year, making her the WTA’s new “Svetlana Kuznetsova circa 2007-8”.

She’ll be hoping she has turned the corner when it comes to converting finals, as the tour heads to Indian Wells, where Vera was a former champ.


Enough weekend recapping, back to my pug face. 😡

xx doots


Where troubles melt like lemon-drops …

1. Sing it with me yo:

“Where trouble melt like lemon-drops, high above the chim-chim-chim-ma-ney tops that’s where … you’ll … fiiiiiind me …”

OH, OH! OH MAH GAH! What is that blinding, glorious light coming from Centre Court in Dubai? Oh never mind, it’s just LEMON-DROP WOGIE.


Lemon-Drop Wogie had his predator face on, which was simply magnanimous. Who can blame Somdev Millionaire for falling victim to it?


2. It was an uneventful day in tennis that saw two of the top players in men’s tennis return for the first time after the Australian Open with easy straight set wins. Both Djoko and Wogie won 63 63 against their opponents (Llodra and Millionaire respectively).

While I didn’t see Wogie’s match against the Millionaire, I did catch the match between Llodra and the Djoker, who – as you would expect – looked like he just drank a highly pungent dose of confidence.

Oh, and he did that thing where he makes his limb stick out of his torso in positions that MAKE NO LOGICAL SENSE TO MY EYEBALLS.



3. Over in Acapulco, Verdasco continued to fall victim to Fake Tennis, losing to Nose Job Bellucci in 3 sets. Seems like if you wanted a token top 10 win on the ATP these days, ‘Dasco is your man.

And speaking of Spaniards: who died and made Almagro the Nadal of second tier clay? Almug heads into the second round at Acapulco undefeated in his previous 2 tournaments. Ferrer wants his clay machine back, yo.

4. In the sad news of the day, Super Mario addicts mourn over the retirement of “got mono? Get law degree!” Ancic at the age of 26. I have no idea how Ancic managed to do an entire law degree while playing tennis on and off. RESPECT, dude!)

While 26 is still young in tennis years, Ancic’s decision came after years of being kept away from the game by a groceries list of injuries and intense smooching with mono-carriers. The frustration of it all finally wore him down.

“I can’t stand it any more, I have finished my career. I’m forced to quit because nature has decided it’s time. My back can’t withstand the effort of professional tennis.”


Mario will of course be remembered for reaching the semifinal of Wimbledon in 2004, and a career high of 7 in the world in 2006, shortly before his body found various ways of rebelling against him.

But contemplate this for a second: but for the existence of Roger Federer, Mario Ancic would have a Wimbledon runner up cookie tray sitting at home. Or possibly the winner’s trophy. That’s something.

And I will leave you to work out which year.