It’s Day 1 folks, apart from drooling over Federer’s “beautiful lines” and his outfit, which turned out to be pleasantly stark against the colour of the court, there ain’t much to say. Or is there?
Firstly, the obligatory drooling session starts … now:
I will never get over his uncanny balance…
Or the aesthetic value of his movement…
Slobber slobber, slurp slurp…
End of drooling session.
Roger had a comfortable victory over American teen Devin Britton, 6-1, 6-3, 7-5, while becoming tennis’s new 50 million dollar man.
In other news, Dootsie has FINALLY been freed from the tyranny of credit card slavery. See Roger? We’re not so different after all.
Money aside, it was a pretty uneventful match. The only thing I learnt from that match is that Devin Britton and I are clearly meant to be best friends. He’s practically stealing words out of my mouth. Can you picture Dootsie saying this about RFed?
“He’s the best. [gush] No weakness. [blush] I mean, [demented] I didn’t know what to do. [shrilly] I was just trying to play my game and see what happens, [FAIL] but, you know, he was pretty controlling of the points. [sadistic] You know, he’s No. 1 in the world for a reason. [love-heart pupils]”
Admittedly, Britton was quite nervous during the match, claiming that Roger was even better than he looked on TV, ‘watching on TV I don’t think you can really tell exactly. I mean, he obviously looks unbelievable on TV, but playing against it was even more tough, you know. It was so scarey. I was pretty scared.’
Heh, I don’t even know what my reaction would be if Roger Federer was standing across the net from me.
Actually I do: I would be on my knees, begging for mercy.
In other results, Venus Williams was a hot mess against Vera Dushevina, overcoming the Russian 6-7, 7-5, 6-3. Venus was error-prone and bothered by her knee during the match, and had to get it strapped by a trainer.
Girl, you’re wearing PINK. Of course you’re going to have knee issues.
The Curse of the Pink Panther:
As always, Vee’s outfit looks better from the back than from the front.
Serena had a much easier time, rolling over Alexa Glatch 6-4 6-1 on her quest for title defence. With her first match under her belt, Serena took the time to talk about her recently released autobiography, where she opens up about her personal life, including the period when she was down in the dumps.
It’s hard to imagine someone so vivacious, fierce and bubbly going through such a tough time in her life.
Serena admitted that it ‘wasn’t easy‘ writing openly about going through therapy, ‘however you get there, whatever way you take to get there is very interesting. That’s one of the routes I take, because I didn’t know where else to go. I felt I didn’t have anywhere else to turn.
Obviously I did, because I did have my family. And looking back on that, I realized that I could have done things different. But, you know, whatever it took to get there, I thought was just to get me motivated. I think ultimately my trip to Africa helped out, as well.’
Pretty sombre stuff from a girl who writes her name in pink. Now I’m tempted to buy her book… sneaky!
Allow me a sigh of relief as James Blake won his R1 match against Hidalgo in straight set, 6-1 6-4 7-5.
After a season plagued with injuries, I have camped myself firmly among the Blake Well-wishers. Dude’s had a knee injury, rolled ankle, and broken toe just this season, which has adversely affected his schedule and training. Give him a break, Tennis Gods. Don’t be such bitches.
Another sigh of relief as Youzhny did the US of A a public service by eliminating PHM from the draw – he spared us all from the assault-on-retinas that is this Adidas giraffe shirt.
Of my Aussie compatriots, Slammin’ Sammy came through a close one against Ai Sugi. While Hewitt stayed on course in his bid to upset Federer in R3. FRAZZLE.
Less fortunate was Jelena Dokic, who is now fighting to save her nightmarish career from total oblivion.
Since her Australian Open run, Dokic has suffered a back injury at Roland Garros, before becoming bed-ridden for two months with my worst enemy – mono. But the girl is still trying to sound upbeat about it all, “I think it counts how many times you get up. Not how many times you fall down. So hopefully I can try to do it one more time and hopefully I won’t have to do it again.”
Jelena will be flying to Italy next week to contest a minor tournament. With a bit of luck, she’ll get herself back in shape physically and avoid sliding out of the top 100. But this is Jelena Dokic we’re talking about, luck is the antithesis of her existence.
As for her future, “The toughest thing is staying positive mentally,’ said Jelena,’hopefully I’ll be healthy the whole of next year’.
For most people, that’s not too much to ask for.
Boy, I’m so glad I didn’t watch the match between Ferrer and Federer live today. Just watching a recording of it made me want to stab myself in the eye with a pen.
For someone who likes to play in the wind, Fed was having so much trouble adjusting to it. The forehand was gone with the wind, the backhand stayed home to look after Myla and Charlene. He clearly didn’t get much sleep last night, and decided to take a nap in the middle of the first set.
I think at the beginning maybe my footwork was just a touch off. After that I think got it together, you know, and started to play better and better. In the end when it goes your way, all of a sudden you can actually use the wind to your advantage in a big way. That’s what I actually hoped to do the whole match today, but it’s not so easy sometimes.
It’s all your fault Myla! Barf on him Charlene! Threaten him with another set of twins Mirka! Do it for the Federer fans who have lost nails, hair and developed stomach ulcers from watching this guy play.
And in case you were wondering why we’re still sadistic enough to watch Federer if we’re slowly developing bald patches because of him: I, for one, live my life from one Fedgasm to the next. And despite his sub-par performance, Roger did deliver some Fedgasms towards the end of the third set:
Roger is due to face Lleyton Hewitt next round, who took out Roddick conqueror Sam Querrey 6-1 2-6 6-3. Real trouper, Lleyton, but you’re a Kiwi to me, for at least the next 24 hours.
Ahndee Murray had a much easier time squishing the Worm 6-4 6-1. Didn’t watch it, but with Murray’s defense and control over the ball, I expect him to feed junk balls and passing shots back at Stepanek. No problems there with the wind.
Rafa was down 0-3 briefly in the first set before rallying past Paul-Henri Mathieu 7-5 6-2. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Rafa play properly, but it was befuddling watching him slice. Has he always done that?
In other matches, Gilles Simon took out Davo 7-6(6) 6-4 6-4. Lucky Loser Julien Benneteau downed Garcia-Lopez in three sets to set up an unlucky meeting with Toothface. Djokovic took out Chardy in straight sets 7-5 6-3, and no one cares.
Lastly: someone requested the music to the Rolex Federer ads. This was sent to me anonymously a few weeks back, and the link expired, so I reupped it. Clickey.