Sometimes, a mighty, barf-inducing PICSPAM is the only appropriate thing to do. So indulge me, if you could, in a simple game of Yes/No, Yay/Nay, Oui/Non … UNF/URGH!
Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words, so I shall say no more. It’s Miami, it’s tennistical, and IT IS A FASHION-DISASTUHHHH.
Isn’t it refreshing when a teenager dresses like a teenager? Did Laura Robson get the memo?
Hello, I am Sweet Caroline and I just crawled out of a cabbage patch.
First and last time I’ll say this about Ferrer…
Just the clothes. I swear.
(Watermarked photos courtesy of Tennis Panorama)
A couple of days late, but I thought I’ll just string a post to try and keep the AO2011 posts sort of complete.
Day 3 of the tennis…well we all know what happened Day 3 of the tennis. Roger got taken to five sets by Gilles Simon after being up two sets to love. That was one match that I would not have survived live, I barely survived it watching the TV. However, there ARE people who survived it live, and Head Bitch is one of them. Read her fabulous on-the-spot account as a guest blogger on the SI Blog here, and trust me when I say you really really should.
As for my own account…well. The first set he was playing so well, and second set as well although he did get broken that one time. But there was nothing to signify that Wogiekins would not win this in straights, in fact I was pretty much certain he would. And then Simon upped his level. TREMENDOUSLY. And Federer responded by dropping his level, proceeded to get broken three times (although he broke back twice, but that was not nearly enough innit?) to drop the set.
Truth be told, Simon has always been tricky (2-0 H2H, anyone?) and I wasn’t freaking out too much…until Simon just kept blazing this balls past Federer. Until Federer very visibly began panicking and making stupid shot selections and lost his forehand and backhand. Until he got broken in the fourth. Until he lost the set and got pushed to a fifth. Then I couldn’t take it. It was nearing midnight and I went out for a run in the gardens. Yeah, the possums probably thought I am some crazy insane retard. I came back when it was 2-all, and I literally couldn’t watch it. I couldn’t bear the thought of Roger going out second round, plus I have Sunday tickets and Tuesday quarterfinals, what the fuck am I going to do with those tickets otherwise? I seriously do not think I could enter Melbourne Park again for any kind of tennis knowing he lost in the fucking SECOND ROUND.
When he broke, I was nearly weeping with relief and yet so worried that he was going to get broken back. When he didn’t, all was good. When he held those three match points on Simon’s serve and didn’t manage to close it out, all was not good. When he got to match point and played the most stupid dropshot, all was VERY BAD. When he closed out the match with an ace, I felt like I had just run ten marathons. But he was through. That was all that matters.
Other tidbits and observations of Day 3:
1) Tipsarevic served for the match TWICE against Verdasco, blew both chances, blew the tiebreaker, blew the fifth set. Yes, Tipsarevic really blows.
2) Kohlscrubber didn’t manage to scrub out the Berd-shit despite taking the first set. But Berdych came back to take the match in four sets. Evidently it was some powerful pigeon shit.
3) Dimitrov – the 345843th Baby Fed – got taken out by Concubine Fed (Wawrinka) in straights. But it has been a good tournament for him, and I honestly do like the guy’s game. Hope to see him reach a landmark in his career soon.
4) Mahut lost to Bert Minion Troicki (who then proceeded to retire against Master Bert, WTF). But Mr. Amazing Anime Hair has gained some points through this tournament, so I hope he’ll be able to make the main draw of slams soon.
5) After beating Davydenko, Florian Mayer crashed out against Nishikori Kei. Dude, you beat Kolya and lost to Nishikori? If you want to.
6) Roger’s potential 4th round opponent, fondly known as Farty Dish on le Fence, lost to Disco Tommy R. Can’t say I’m surprised. The Fish is just not consistent at all.
7) Venus pulled a stomach muscle against Scream Girl Zahlavova (boy her screaming was…ear splitting, deafening, screechy) and lost the first set in a tiebreak, but quickly came back to win the match, serving a bagel in the process. And oh, her dress was truly horrifying and kind of very ugly.
And some Day 4 tidbits and observations from yours truly:
1) Rafa had another slam dunk easy yahoo sleepy match against Ryan Sweeting, giving up only 4 games. Critics say Rafa is in imperious scary form. He may be so, but seriously, you cannot make that assumption based on those two matches.
2) Deliciano was definitely not delicious in losing to Bratface Tomic in STRAIGHT sets. Bratface reckons he’ll “give Rafa a run for his money”. I say to all of those who will be at RLA tomorrow evening, bring a bread bag to collect freshly baked goods from centre court, courtesy of Rafa.
3) Mandy Curry was curiously emotional and grouchy while steamrolling Ilya Marchenko.
4) Nalbandian retired against Berankis after only winning one game. Couldn’t go on, said he was too tired, and too drained. I can picture Lleyton Hewitt dialing CALL-A-HITMAN…
5) Del Potro put up a fight against Baghdatis, but too little match-play, and a wrist that he was clearly still very concerned about (hence it may not be 100%) saw him exiting in 4 sets. Bagman got the win, and his fans are as annoying as ever.
6) Bobby Sod continued flying under radar, beating Gilles Muller and achieving his best ever result at Australian Open.
7) Sammy Stosur put up a wonderful display to trounce Dushevina. She’s looking good, and I hope she’ll go far.
8) Other Aussie Molik lost to Nadia Petrova, exiting what may be her last Australian Open. Been a decent run for her.
9) Jankovic unexpectedly lost to Peng Shuai in straight sets. That is a bit flabbergasting, in my opinion.
And that’s all I have to say regarding Day 3 and Day 4. Will try to write a Day 5 post before tomorrow. Caved in and bought ground passes for Day 6…good matches on Margaret Court Arena that I am kinda stoked about.
Hope y’all are enjoying the tennis!
P.S. Photos from daylife.com
I planned to blog this before Fed’s match tonight, but as Jelena Dokic is looking at exiting Rod Laver Arena in two seconds, this will be up in the midst of Roger’s match, in which I hope we’ll be all zen, sipping tea and nibbling cookies instead of tearing our hair our over…you know.
I started off Day 2 bright and early, with a Ground Pass for day session and RLA tickets for the night session. My player stalking session began with spotting Venus Williams practising with her Mumsy. I have to admit I am not an enthusiastic autograph seeker so I moved on after that.
I then settled in for two sets of tennis featuring Youzhny v Ilhan, in which the Colonel prevailed 6-2, 6-3, 7-6(5). It was pretty decent tennis – I have a thing for Youzhny and his backhand. But whoa, those Turkish fans were rowdy. The umpire had to tell them to shut it a few times and they didn’t necessarily listened either. As much as the yelling annoyed Youzhny, I gotta admit it added to the atmosphere.
I then hopped over to the Hisense side of show courts, for word on the street is that Roger will be practising at about 4PM. While making my way to the other side, I ran into Andy Toothface just finishing his practice. I didn’t have anything for him to sign, but because the crowd was kinda sparse (what a contrast to Roger/Rafa/Djokovic, really), I snapped a photo when he was in front of me, and I swear he stared at my yellow RF cap for a second longer than necessary.
Than I found out I used the wrong focus so he’s all blurry and not worth posting.
On the Hisense practice courts, I chanced upon Djokovic, and then Reeshie Gasquet.
I didn’t hang around for long, snapped the obligatory photo and moved on for one of my bookmarked matches, Dolgopolov v Kukushkin. I’ve been watching Dolgopolov ever since he gave Rafa a workout in the Madrid Masters last year.
Watching him play, the guy has got something. He has a really sharp serve. It’s not necessarily huge or booming, but it’s fast and crisp. I had like a premium seat as there were not a lot of people at his match, and it was a solid performance from Dolgo Guy. He played well to put Kukushkin away comfortably, 6-3, 6-2, 6-4.
And then it was trooping over to Court 16, wrestled for a spot, sat through half hour of Mardy Fish on court before Roger came on. When I got there – 1.5 hours before Roger was due to appear – space was decent, and I grabbed a spot at the railing, and reserved two other spots with my bag and a very unlady-like legs apart stance for LJ and Jodi. After a while, people started crowding me and this old lady with an ice-cream cone literally shoved me over. Fine, you’re old and you had an ice-cream that I do not want on my head, so I let her. Nevertheless, I got LJ over to help me hold fort, and Jodi arrived just in time before the crowds got crazy.
Roger arrived to cheers and whoops and a random call from one guy trying to be funny.
Guy: Roger, will you marry me?
Roger: *bounces ball*
Guy: You can pay for the wedding.
Needless to say, Roger did not agree to that suggestion. He hit for an hour with a junior German(?) player. I gotta say, guy keeps his concentration well with like over a hundred people all gaping at him from the sidelines, cameras going off and possibly half the females drooling. But then, he’s gotta be used to it by now.
As he was packing up, Clijsters arrived for her session. So I thought we wouldn’t get an autograph because he usually moves on if someone else has arrived. But to my surprise, he walked over, obliging and smiling and began doing his thing with the Sharpie.
I got my RF cap signed. I only snapped like two close-ups because I was too busy geting shoved. The wave of people (about 8-wall?) was just crushing all of us in the front. I gotta say that was an autograph-seeking experience of near-death proportions. People were CRAZY and HYSTERICAL. I know Roger is the bees’ knees and more, but there’s no need to be trampling and crushing people to death.
Oh, I also uploaded a few more of Roger’s practice photos HERE if anyone wants to peek at some.
I’m also kinda crazy, I think. I missed Delpo v Sela – a match that I really wanted to see – to hang around the practice court getting burned.
The two RLA night sessions, both highly hyped, are complete opposite scenarios. First, Safina v Clijsters. Safina came out – served poorly, returned poorly, played poorly, and her shots were not finding the court. It didn’t help that Clijsters was actually playing quite well, hitting winners all over the court. Safina came alive in the final game to put up a measure of fight, but when you’re behind 6-0, 5-0, that is kind of moot. And moot it was, as Clijsters broke again to win 6-0, 6-0.
Never has been a Safina fan, but watching her on court was excruciating. From the moment the first ball was struck, she didn’t believe in herself at all. She didn’t believe that she could win this, or play her game, and that made the match the way it was. I think the girl needs to regroup herself with the help of a sports psychologist.
As for that night match, I’ve said my piece on it here, so click to read if you wanna. All I can say now is that I am still feeling the heartbreak, and am still bemoaning the fact that the Hewitt/Nalbandian match-up was a first round. One good thing is that Hewitt will be joining the Channel 7 commentating team and I’m looking forward to that. After hearing him during the Hopman Cup, I have decided that he is actually a very good commentator, fair, unbiased and insightful. Yes, wonders will never cease.
Other tidbits of matches that I didn’t manage to catch:
1) Delpo v Sela. A tight first set, it looked like, and then Delpo managed the win in straights. This has got to boost the confidence of the big man. He will get better as he plays more, and I’m definitely intrigued to see his next match with Baghdatis.
2) Speaking of Baghdatis, he went five sets against Zemlja when he really shouldn’t have needed to. I’ll say it’s looking good for Delpo, but with Baggy, you can never tell whether he is going to be brilliant or be a complete bozo.
3) Petzschner v Jo-Willy. Up two sets to love, but Petzy just couldn’t do it, and Tsonga romped away for a 5-set victory. I like Jo, and I am most definitely waiting to see whether he could meet Rafa eventually. That could be an interesting match. Although in all honesty, I doubt Jo will get that far. He can be very head-casey at times.
4) Bobby Sod matched his best result ever at AO when he beat Potatoes, avoiding last year’s embarrassing exit (to Granola Bar). He plays Gilles Muller next – whom I remembered as the guy I was TOTALLY FREAKING OUT OVER because he played Feddy after his nightmare Andreev thing at USO08.
So let’s see how it all goes.
Post edited in this bit here, by the way. If you’d read it before, you know why. If you haven’t, nothing worth bothering about.
P.S. Photos are my own.
Edit: So we didn’t sip tea and nibble cookies. We were instead tearing our hair out and hyperventilating (I was, anyway). But our man lives to fight another day.
Here’s the thing about Venus Williams: She has a stunning body.
She’s tall, slender, and athletic at the same time. She has beautiful lines. She has the ultimate body to aspire to for a female athlete, and when she walks on court, she is practically radioactive with her calm glow and passion for the game.
Which is to say I totally love her.
But that’s why it confuses me: that she is dressed more and more like an ice skater and less like a tennis player when she looks, plays, and struts her stuff like the consummate female tennis player.
Love it, hate it, at some point during 2010, everybody talked about it. Perhaps that was Venus’s philosophy all along.
The first hint of what was to come came during the Australian Open, when Venus walked on court in the Slit Dress, an outfit so subtle that from whichever angle, whichever end you looked, the dress formed some kinda of Delta of Venus.
Once seen, cannot be unseen.
“…sometimes you just dream it up. Sometimes you can see a dress and say, Hey, I really like those slits, so let me put that in my tennis dress. Or I’m dying to do lace. How can we do that on the court and make it work?”
Getting to Dubai, we had a glimpse of what it could’ve been, minus the slits: sleek, athletic and cheery.
WHY? WHYYYY?! I asked the lightbulb.
Unexpectedly, the black version of the slit dress, which Venus wore in Rome, actually looks ninja-cool.
Paired with a teal long-sleeved top for the chilly night air and empty stadium.
When we got Madrid, Venus unleased the Vaudeville. It’s well fitted, it’s a nice colour on her, but it’s just a little … “can-can” for me.
Talk about “can-can”, Venus’ famous Roland Garros outfit was positively Lady Marmalade, with the black lace and pink lining on the bodice.
And that was before she turned around.
“So the design has nothing to do with the rear. It just so happens that I have a very well developed one!
“It’s all genetic. If you look at mom and dad, you’ll see the same thing happening. If you look at my sister (Serena), you’ll see the same thing.
“It’s really about the illusion. Like you can wear lace, but what’s the point of wearing lace when there’s just black under?
“The illusion of just having bare skin is definitely for me a lot more beautiful. So it’s really not about anything else other than just that skin showing. So I’m glad that it’s gotten good reviews. I mean, it could be worse.”
They say the can-can girls didn’t wear much underneath those skirts either …
The strange show-girl themed outfits continued to Wimbledon, where Venus rocked a shimmy, lacy tiered dress that was the ultimate antithesis of Wimbledon.
It was as if she realised that she wasn’t going to be playing any more tournaments for the year, when the US Open rolled around, Venus treated us to the full wardrobe.
We started with the tight fitting part leather bodice …
… moved on to the lamp shade halter and mini skort.
Before finally slipping into a pink dress with diamonte patterns.
It’s a fine dress … for a gymnast.
That brings us to the end of 2010, with Venus playing her last match against Clijsters in New York. It’s been an interesting year for Miss Vee in her wardrobe choices. At times too interesting.
The question remains however, how did you handle it?
A lot of things in tennis world in the past few days have made me cranky. Talk of GOAT, GMOAT, of rankings, serves and returns. Of brain cramps, cupcakes, muffins and bricks. Of bitterness, weak eras and asterisks.
Yes. A lot of things in tennis world make me cranky. That’s what this blog is for.
But in a way that is to be expected, for there is something brewing over in New York. You can’t ignore it. You can’t look away. You want it so badly and want to avoid it so badly at the same time. You know what I’m talking about: one match on either side could ruin it. And I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want the bitterness, I’m not playing the GOAT debate for the gazillionth time and I’m certainly not going to stand here and defend something that is self-evident about So-and-So’s achievements in this sport.
Instead, I give you something that deserves more limelight and won’t make any of us cranky or enraged.
I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t get a little misty-eyed over it. India, Pakistan and this sport of tennis couldn’t have asked for two more eloquent and endearing representatives. This sentiment was echoed by Qureshi’s mother, who shed a proud tear over her son’s achievement.
‘He has shown how much he loves his country. To say all this at such a prestigious event when the whole world is watching requires a lot of commitment.’
‘I don’t know if our ambassadors are able to say all this so forcefully at any forum or not, but my son has conveyed the message to the entire world.’
It’s a pity that this statement of peace and unity on the eve of 9/11 won’t get higher reportage in the Western World than this horrible affair. It really is one of those feel good stories you can’t get cynical about, because at the end of the day, I choose to believe that most of us are Misters and Missus Congeniality.
In other matches … this happened.
I am going to put this in perspective:
- Between her shocking Wimbledon loss and the US Open, Venus Williams didn’t play a single match. She far exceeded my expectations by even making the semifinals, but then again, that’s what the Williams sisters do: making a mockery of your lowly expectations.
- Her slam results this year – 2 quarterfinals, a fourth round and a semifinal – really aren’t bad. Especially compared to the rest of the women’s top 10, all those “bright young things” and “future contenders” have all at some point crashed out in the first week.
- Sure, her tennis isn’t what it used to be when she first turned me into a tennis fan, but objectively – take away the history, the age difference, the expectations of glory – her game itself is still right up there on the WTA, a tour not known for its mental fortitude or consistency at the moment.
So if you’re Venus Williams, aged 30, ranked 4 in the world for singles and 1 in doubles, there are plenty of positives to take away from the US Open. That’s perspective for ya.
And yet, having said all that, being a fan has never been about perspective. I’m not even going to pretend that this loss wasn’t A STAB. IN. MY HEART. Not just because she lost, but because she lost it on her own racket.
And when will she get this good a chance to win a slam-not-named-Wimbledon again?
Dootsie’s Theory of Everything – PART III
IMITATION OF OVARY-BUSTING GORGENOUS
OVARY-BUSTING GORGEOUSNESS IMITATED.
I remember mocking Francesca’s finals win/loss record in Osaka last year, which was something along the lines of 1-14. At the time, I thought of her as the epitome of an imploder, perennially unable to seize an opportunity that presents itself. For the most part, I still think it was an accurate assessment then.
And now? Let me tell you a little story that may or may not be true:
Once upon a time, Dootsie was terrified of public speaking. I still am, deep down. But there was a definitive turning point once when I stood in front of a lectern with a speech on “WORLD PEACE” or something equally latte-sipping-leftist. I froze for 10 seconds without speaking. As anyone with a fear of public speaking would know: 10 years of solitary confinement feels preferable to living through those 10 seconds. I was punched in the ovaries by fear, by cold sweat, by the need to pee, by every second ticking away like a time bomb threatening to blow up and humiliate me in front of some VERY-IMPORTANT-PEOPLE.
Eventually, I took a breath so deep it hurt and told myself to “GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER NAOOO!”. I opened my palm towards the audience and began to speak. I killed it. It felt like fuck-yeah.
When I look at Francesca Schiavone these days, that is the person I see. Someone who froze: again and again and again. But she kept putting herself in finals, prolonging the tortuous process until one day, ONE FINE DAY! She broke through, and she broke through at one of the biggest tournaments in the world like a butterfly out of a cocoon. For the first time, I saw the spirit behind the freeze and to shout my own mantra from the rooftops “WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN.” It matters not that she lost to Venus today in a highly entertaining, rollercoaster match, Franny found out the same thing I had discovered once upon a time, standing in front of a lectern with a speech on my kind of latte-sipping world peace: we had unfrozen.
It feels like fuck-yeah.
As for Venus? My first love in tennis is in the semifinal of a slam-not-named-Wimbledon once more. The last time she played the semifinal of the US Open, she played another Belgian – Justin Henin – in one of my favourite WTA matches of the last decade. Who says it needs to go to a deciding set to be epic?
And regarding the dresses that seem to generate so much talk: the point is, you’re all talking about them. That’s fashion. I’d rather that than bland generic dish-outs from – ahem – certain clothing companies with absolutely no thought or attempt at creativity.
Actually, I’d rather Venus Williams win. Period. Dresses be damned.
Just popping in to confirm rumours that I am indeed alive and kickin’. KICKIN’ FEDERBEAR’S ASS THAT IS.
Meanwhile, a little down time to the blog and social media in general, so I can finish the impossible mountain of work piling up on my desk.
See y’all in October.
PS. I propose we make this song the anthem of Federnation. Oui/oui?
Woah woah woah woah woah. Hang on hang on – I may be onto something here. Follow this irrefutable logic.
Fact #1: Roger Federer won Cincinnati wearing pink.
Fact #2: Michael Llodra won very little.
Fact #3: Federer gave his sweat-stained pink shirt to Llodra in Cincinnati. It smelt like win.
Fact #4: In his next match, Michael Llodra took out No 7 seed Tomas Berdych first round at the US Open in straight sets.
Coincident? I DON’T FINK SO. The only logical conclusion that follows the simple sum of 1 + 2 + 3+ 4: Roger Federer may not sweat a lot, but when he does?
HE SWEATS PURE FUCKING CONTAGIOUS EXCELLENCE.
“I don’t know whether I played well or not.” – Bye-bye Berdy.
If my logical sequence was beyond your comprehension, here it is again in pictorial terrms: 1 + 2 = 3
1. FULL OF WIN.
2. TRANSFER OF WIN
3. WIN WIN.
In other matches, dramarama over in New York on an apparently sweltering day, which saw Victoria Azarenka rather spectacularly in the heat while down 1-5 to her French Open conqueror Gisela Dulko. I’ll leave you to watch the event unfold yourself, shall I?
In a statement after the match, Vika claimed that she suffered concussion when she tumbled while warming up in the gym pre-match.
‘‘I fell forward and hit my arm and head.
I was checked by the medical team before I went on court and they were courtside for monitoring.
I felt worse as the match went on, having a headache and feeling dizzy. I also started having trouble seeing and felt weak before I fell.
I was taken to the hospital for some medical tests and have been diagnosed with a mild concussion.’’
Get well soon.
With the last of the men’s first round matches being held today, Toothface blasted 37 winners as he sailed past Lets’-Go, 6-3 6-2 6-2. Despite the fact that Murray is attempting to become the first Brit to win a slam in 150 thousand years, all that the media wanted to know about was: “did you see it did you see it did you see it?!”
Q. Did you have a chance to see Roger’s shot between his legs the other night for a winner?
ANDY MURRAY: Yeah.
Q. What were your thoughts about that and how he’s able to come up with these shots?
ANDY MURRAY: Yeah, I saw it. I thought the one against Djokovic last year was better. But, no, they’re difficult shots. They’re very difficult shots to time. And if you time them well, it’s very difficult for the opponent to reach them if you get, you know, reasonable direction, because you don’t see it very often. So to judge your split step, like if you see Dabul the other night when he hit it, he hit a really clean, great shot. But Dabul was charging the other direction. He had no idea when Roger was going to make contact with the ball. So it is very difficult if someone hits a clean one to get your movement right.
Q. Why do you think the one against Djokovic was better?
ANDY MURRAY: Yeah, because Novak was at the net. It was a bit harder. Dabul was out of position when he hit the lob. They were both great shots.
Q. Is that something that you work on at all?
ANDY MURRAY: Um, I occasionally hit it. If it happens in practice you just always try you know, if you’re in a situation in a match, you always try and get back and put up a lob, you know, if you can.So you don’t hit them that much. No, I practice them sometimes messing around in practice a little bit.
Q. How do you do?
ANDY MURRAY: Ah, yeah, not bad. Not bad.
Q. Novak said he’d be more concerned about damaging himself with a racquet. You wouldn’t worry, too?
ANDY MURRAY: You’ve got to be careful, yeah. (Laughter.) I have never had any problems when I tried it.
Unlike Murray, Venus Williams was made to work a little by a unknown Canuck Rebecca Marino, eventually closing out the match 7-6 (7-3) 6-3. What did Marino do particularly well? How did Venus handle the heat? All these questions were relegated to the back burner in the face of a far more pressing query: DID YOU SEE IT DID YOU SEE IT DID YOU SEE IT?!
Q. Did you have a chance to see Roger Federer’s shot between his legs the other night?
VENUS WILLIAMS: No, I haven’t. But I heard he hits one every year, so…
Q. Is that something you’ve tried?
VENUS WILLIAMS: You know, my dad would teach us that shot, but Serena and I weren’t really keen on learning it. So I think it’s something you kind of want to learn as a kid, and you keep trying it and trying it.We’d do it a little bit, and he could do it, but I guess we didn’t see the value. I guess there is value in it now.
Don’t mind me, I’m just perfecting my subtle way of not talking about Roger Federer while talking about him all the time.
To completely non-Fed related news, in the upset of the day, Janko Tipsy took out Andy Roddick in four sets, 3-6 7-5 6-3 7-6.
One word: outplayed.
What are you going to do when your opponent’s shitting out 16 winners and 3 unforced errors in a set while you could do more than 6 and 6? Tipsarevic “played big”, to use his own words. Despite losing the first set, he stayed aggressive and kept focus despite Roddick’s third set tantrum over – deja vu! – a foot fault called by a lines woman.
“Not once in my career has my right foot gone in front of my left foot, never. That is unbelievable.
“Why don’t you get some umpires who know what they are doing? 1-800-rent-a-ref.”
Here’s the deal: there’s this Andy Roddick guy – unassuming, unpretentious, humorous. And despite having his career perennially cockblocked by a man from Switzerland, Randy continues to see the world through a healthy, balanced perspective and work tirelessly to win a second slam he so deserves.
So there’s that. And then …
There’s the occasional asshole who surfaces every once in a while. I don’t care what you do to fire yourself up, a line has to be drawn before a rant turns into a ridicule, because a rich iconic tennis player belittling a lineswoman like a bully is the last sight anyone wants to see. And just like the tweener, we’ve now seen it at the Open for the second year in a row, only unlike the tweener, we don’t want to, we don’t need to see it. Not at all.
As for Randy’s tennis, I demand that the tennis world cuts him some slack. After all, mono is serious business.
SPECIAL EDITION FRAZZLES – Served by yours truly.
On the menu: cupcakes, muffins, bricks, perhaps a few asterisks too?
Which one would you like to take? Because folks: Andy Murray is gone, GONE. And NO ONE CARETH. *Sally Draper lisp* In related news, Ahndee Mooray apparently 62% Scottish as I write this, whadaya know.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR OUR FRAZZLE-FILLED LIVES?
Why I’m glad you asked!
- It means that the top half of the draw is smashed into James Frey. In a Roland-Garros-09-parting-of-the-seas kinda way, only swap Roger Federer for Rafael Nadal, Paris for New York.
- It means that there are too many of Rafa’s playstation mates left in the draw. Some of you share my boredom. Others don’t. That’s okay, since none of it will change the outcome.
- It means that it is very unlike that Murray, a “pre-tournament favourite”, will ever be a “pre-tournament favourite” again. That’s what you get for rocking the US Open Series, then flaming out early at what should’ve been your best tournament, TWO FUCKING YEARS in a row. Am I complaining? Why yes. But more on that later.
- It means that there are two Swiss in the second week of a slam. Coulda been three if Nutty Patty had survived Wicky. They make ’em good in Switzerlandia. They make ’em real good.
- What does this mean for the bottom half of the draw? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING. The 3rd seed? Still in. The fifth seed? Lurking just around the corner. Second seed? FRAZZLE. Only perceptions of loadedness has gone up.
- How unfair! How cupcakey! Now Roger has the bitchiest draw of all time – Melzer, 5th, 3rd, and top seed – if he wants to win. OH SHUT IT. When the draws came out, Rafa had the tougher half. It’s beyond the control of everyone except for Murray how that pans out. Besides, I’m a firm believer in Dootsie’s Principle of Cupcake Equal Opportunity: eventually, everything evens up. So cut the crap.
- Jurgen Melzer is the bane of my existence right now. NOTHING ELSE. We all need to put our tunnel vision goggles on. *hands out tunnel vision goggles*
THAT IS ALL UNTIL LATERS ALLIGATORS. Frazzle away!
ARTHUR ASHE – 11:00 am
I’m sorry Randy fans. There aren’t many more prominent players with worse luck than him. We all know. But at least you know what’s wrong now.
Roddick, 27, said doctors thought he had been suffering from the virus, also known as mononucleosis, for two months.
The American, who has slipped to 11th in the rankings after recent defeats, said the news came as a relief.
“I’m just glad that we found out something that was causing it,” said Roddick, who expects to play at the Cincinnati Masters next week.
“It’s weird, the fear of kind of the unknown and not knowing what’s going on,” Roddick added. “There were some days where it was good, and some days where it was real bad.
“So it was like you would have one of those two or three good days, and it was like, ‘OK, you’re just being kind of a wimp.’ It’s nice to have a little bit of clarity moving forward. It’s not something that’s going to affect me, anything super-serious.”
Roddick, who had cut back on his work schedule after feeling tired, said he had been baffled by his lack of energy.
“I opted out of probably four or five workouts this summer – that I’ve never done before,” he said.
“So that wasn’t fun. It was just me wondering if I was out of shape or what was going on, why there was this lethargic feeling.”
Roddick says he expects to be fit to play in the US Open, where he lost to fellow American John Isner in the third round last year.
Others on the injury list – Venus Williams has pulled out of Montreal, citing a left knee injury. Serena Williams now looks like Beyonce with a mummified foot.
It’s looking more and more likely that these two are heading into the US Open straight from the grass season. If Serena’s heading there at all.
On the bright side, Samantha Stosur is due to be all okay for the US Open after being diagnosed with a stress reaction in her distal humerus. Whatever that means.
Doctors recommended 10 days off, so Stosur pulled out of Cincy and Montreal but has taken a wildcard into New Haven.
Get well soon, folks.