WTF: That’s it, I’m confiscating all hair products boys.

Rafa, WHYYYYYYYYY?! You had your hair perfectly done a few months ago, and now even Roger’s trying to avoid staring at it.

Hair gel, hand over, NOW! 

 

You too Nando. I could make fried rice with all that grease in your hair. 

 

 

Having gone to an all-girls high school next to an all-boys high school where all the students wore similar ties, I gotta say, these guys look like they walked right out of one of my high school fantasies. 

 

 

On the other hand, can you imagine the WTA ever asking the girls to dress the same for their Year-End group photos? 

 

 

As if Fed needs an umbrella to be schmooth. 

 

 

And yes, he was definitely one of those fuckwits in high school who always looked awesome in their year book shots, while no matter how you smile, you always end up looking constipated on the next page. 

 

 

Mentioning constipation…

 

 

Someone needs his eyebrows plucked. 

 

 

No Rafa, NOO! *in pain* 

 

 

The Sod. Just blew. My mind.

 

 

But we all know who’s the captain, right?

 

 

Enjoy your Saturdays. And thanks to Freakyfrites from GoToTennis for finding this gem – the definition of Federdork.

 

Picspam: Who needs to be a stalker when others do the stalking for ya?

The folks over at the Faded Youth Blog have posted some pictures of RFed’s arrival in London, looking like a super-casual hot dada.

 

 

 

 

I need pictures of Roger and the Sod, frolicking on a practice court. And I need them NOW.

Federporn Fridays: Hair God? I don’t fink so?!

Yes! It’s Friday. The day of my glorified picspam/pornfest. There is no doubt that the Fed has the best hair in town. It’s the sort of hair that makes your fingers itch and want to twirl their way around each strand. Hmmm….

Where was I? 

The point is, the Fed hasn’t always had Godly hair.

In fact, he went through an “Agassi phase” in his life. Don’t get me wrong, mohawks were never his thing, but it took years for the Hair Divinity within him to emerge, and this post is a celebration of all that went wrong in the quest to find what was ultimately right. 

Tennis Fashion: Die, Adidas.

How do you confuse your opponent on a tennis court? By dressing in the same frigging colour as the tennis ball of course!

Adidas’s S/S range, complete with manboobs.

 

 

Please don’t tell me Mandy’s gonna wear this colour.

And Nando in collars? Now I can totally relate to Andre’s pyromaniac tendencies.

 

 

 

By the way, Maria Sharapova’s Oz Open dress looks like a slip with a seaweed colored sheer vest.

 

 

Stop. Weirding. Me. Out.

Passing thoughts: FREEDOM! FREEEEEDOMMM! FREEEEEEDOMDOMDOMDOMMM!

What’s that smell in the air, you ask? It’s the scent of freedom folks! And summer! Endless days of heat and sun and lounging around doing absoluf*ckinglutely nothing, but enjoying every minute of it.  

And yes, tennis too! Doots is back in action and ready to frazzle over Hairy Roger and the group of Death-Eaters he’s landed himself with for WTF.

Must admit my frazzling skills have diminished since Wimbledon. I’ll need them in fine form for the Aussie circuit next year, gotta do better. 

 

1. Has anyone seen this tennis article on the Telegraph website?

 

Rafael Nadal in full battle dress was a hell of a sight and tennis fears losing its heartbeat

Tennis lovers and tournament organisers from Majorca to Melbourne are joined in prayer this morning, pleading for a sign that tells them that the light is not fading in Rafael Nadal.

Source: Telegraph.co.uk

 

Umm … yes, let’s all form a prayer circle for Nadal. 

 

 

2. Mentioning Nadal, it’s been strange reading a series of frank interviews with him in the English media, but I’ve enjoyed it. The latest from the Guardian was an insightful glimpse of the effect his injuries and his parent’s divorce had on him this year.

 

“My parents’ divorce made an important change in my life. It affected me. After that, when I can’t play Wimbledon, it was tough. For one month I was outside the world.”

Nadal looks terribly young amid that quiet admission. “I am OK now,” the 23-year-old says of his parents’ divorce, “but you need time to accept. And it’s more difficult to accept when you are outside home and don’t know what’s happening. At least the injury gave me time to be with my friends and family.”

 

But what struck me most about this interview was this passage:

 

“[The] year before I lost to Roger in the fifth set. It was hard for me to lose when I had three or four break points in that fifth set [which Federer won 6-2]. What killed me was that second break. If I lose 6-3 or 6-4 with one break I accept. But I was angry with myself to lose that second break. That made it seem as if I wasn’t ready mentally.”

 

What killed him about that match wasn’t the simple fact that he lost, but that he lost with a double break. Isn’t that exactly the sort of person that Rafa is? 

And it seems that he’s softened his stance a little on Andre too.

 

His words contrast with Andre Agassi’s claims in his recent autobiography that, despite winning eight grand slams, he “hated tennis” and sought refuge in crystal meth. Nadal raises an eyebrow. “I think it’s impossible to be on the circuit 15 years and hate tennis. I always saw Andre playing with motivation and passion.”

Have Agassi’s confessions damaged tennis? “It’s a big thing for the ATP. I understand if he was depressed he might have taken something so I don’t want to criticise Andre for taking crystal meth. But everybody must be treated the same. Just because he is Andre Agassi he should not escape sanction. Tennis is a hard sport. There is a lot of competition all year and you play alone. Mentally and physically it is one of the toughest sports – but that’s no reason to take these products [drugs].”

 

3. Mentioning Andre, I’m reading his biography and lovin’ it.

I can’t help but feel that all the transformations we thought Andre went through from a rebel to an elderly statesman of the game was simply a media construct. This book itself is Andre’s final act of rebellion.

And in a perverse way, I admire him for it. Haven’t we all wanted to tell someone exactly what we think of them at some point in our lives? It takes a degree of non-fuckeriness to publish those thoughts in a book.

 

4. Pete Bodo wrote something nice about Roger without any of the usual machismo. On a scale of 1 to me-complimenting-Andy-Murray, this is pretty damn fair. 

 

5. It sucks to be a Federer fan sometimes. But at some point in the days after Wimbledon, I realised that complaining about how much it sucks to be a Federer fan is a bit like being a millionaire and complaining about the interests being too low on your savings.

I mean, where does that leave Andy Roddick fans? 

That’s the second year in a row that he’s had to pull out of the year-end championships. And that’s on top of drawing Isner third round at the US Open, and losing to Federer 4 times in a year, twice in slams, in two different ways. 

By some order of divine injustice, the Tennis Gods won’t give the guy a break.

 

6. Besides the tweener, what’s your favourite Federer shot this year? I’m asking this because I have all the time in the world and a youtube account.

Just sayin’…

xx doots

WTF?!!!!

 

Sorry for the impromptu MIA. And I’m not “back” yet. I have one last trust law exam tomorrow before I’m free as a bird til March next year. Yeah suckers, summer lovin’ had me a blast…

ANYWAY… just sneaked in to give you the WTF draws to frazzle over. And WTF is just about the way you’d describe it.

Group A: Roger Federer, Andy Murray, Juan Martin del Potro, Fernando Verdasco

Group B: Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic, Nikolay Davydenko, Robin Soderling

 

Hmmm let’s see, Mandy, del Potro and Verdasco are probably the stronger trio out of the two groups to get. Muzz is 2-1 over Roger this year, del Potro 1-3 having won their last meeting, and Verdasco’s got the hair going for him, I’m not sure where his form is at the moment actually.

As for Rafa, he’s lost to everyone in his group the last time they played, but I’m not exactly to depending on the Sod or Davo to take him down. Simply because the Sod and Davo aren’t the type you can depend on. 

Oh, and did I mention NO ONE’S RANKING IS SAFE? 

So to quote Roger, “it’s killing me…”

Quotable Quotes: Ultrasonic SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Fedadorers, this interview with Times (UK) deserves our communal worship. Alternatively, we can use our uber high-pitched squees to scan pregnant ladies. 

 

My favourite part? The good news for us of course! 

 

Ivan Lendl never won another Grand Slam after he became a father. And you’ve already lost one [the US Open] against Del Potro since the kids were born.”

“Yeah . . . these are statistics that I really don’t buy into.”

“I’m only kidding,” I insist.

“No, but you’re right. Those stats exist, but normally when you have kids as a male tennis player, it’s later in your career, so that kind of makes sense. I’m still actually pretty young, so that’s okay.”

“Where do you see yourself now in terms of your career? Have you reached the downward curve?”

“I’m midway. It feels like the second part of my career right now, although I am trying to avoid saying that because the second part sounds like ‘neehhhhrrrrr’ [motions straight down]. You can definitely play your greatest tennis until 32 or 33, it’s just a matter of how you look at it. I’ve always been a big believer in looking at the big picture. It’s not about, ‘What will we do tomorrow?’, it’s about, ‘How will my life and tennis look in the next five years?’ And I still have the same vision, so that’s going to help me.”

“Have you set a date for retirement? You’ve spoken about London in 2012, when the Olympics are held at Wimbledon, as a good exit point.”

“No, I didn’t mean it as an exit point.”

“It’s a target?”

“Many people were asking me, ‘When are you going to retire?’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m definitely going to play until the 2012 Olympics’, but that was to shut them up, really. It depends how fit you are, but I would like to play beyond that, and Mirka has said that she would like our two daughters to see me play. So they need to grow a little bit and I need to play a little bit, but we’ll see where it takes us.”

 

Heeeeee! 

 

 

Hang on, I’m meant to be angry at this guy. GO AWAY POOPBRAIN! I will not be seduced by your schmoothness.

HMMMMPH!

 

Pahree: Whatever. Life still hates me.

So Djokovic took down Nadal. As much as I was rooting for him to stop Rafa, I felt horrible that it actually happened. Mind you, Rafa probably shoulda lost first match, it’s amazing that he even tumbled into the semifinal like he was there by accident. And it showed: he was outclassed. He was passive. He was made to run around like a rabbit. 

And it was sad to watch.

I’m in a sadistic relationship with Nadal, which is a lot less hot than it sounds. He gives me more grief, fear, horror and angst than any other player. But at the end of the day, he’s kinda one of “my boys” too, and Nole is kinda not. 

Sorry pup, not this year. 

 

 

Can we stop this “Djokovic beat Fed and Nadal both in two weeks, he’s serving notice for 2010″ business? 

Sure, Nole is one of the guys in contention for slams next year, but I wouldn’t place so much weight by the fact that he beat Fed and Nadal in fall.

The last time Rafa won a title in fall was back in 2005, and Fed hasn’t won an indoor Masters since Madrid 2006. My point being – they don’t care about this part of the year. Tennis post-USO is more focused on the race to the WTF and cleaning up depleted fields than outshining your opponent. Just take a look at the guys who have traditionally been successful in doors – Safin and Nalbandian. There’s a reason that 2 out of Djokovic’s 3 titles this year came after the US Open.

Having said all of that, he does deserve an ATP 1000 title in 2009, after the number of times he’s made the final and gotten screwed by Murray, Rafa and Roger this year. So good lu—

Okay, that was a little too nice for comfort.  

 

 

In the semi that no one gave a fuck about, Monfils needed 3 to down the Worm. Props to the Worm. We talk about fitness, we talk about craft, and Steps is both of those things. The fact that he’s still going strong in Paris, after winning a string of titles early in the year, is huge credit to him. 

As for Monfils? I’ll jump on the bandwagon as soon as he develops a brain and starts thinking on court.

Although … Monfils with a brain: it scares the living daylights out of me.

 

Enjoy your Sundays (Saturdays, for those in less civilized time zones )

xx doots

Pahree: Life hates me.

I’m not one to complain about my lot in life. For every stretch of tough luck, you get moments like the Wimbledon fifth set, 15-14, when Lady Luck does her most extraordinary work. I try to remember that, and remember that the one thing you can’t grasp in life is luck. 

BUT THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Tennis Gods, how cruel would it be if Roger didn’t end the year as No 1? There will be tantrums if that happens, there were be communal tantrums.

 

 

How many years have we been hearing theories of how Federer brainwashes the tour into submission with his niceness? Early this week, we saw it in action with Nadal and the Spanish Armada – a total of 5 match points, three times Almagro and Robredo served for the match against Rafa, and each time, they failed. 

All credit to Nadal for his fight and tenacity, but tenacity had nothing to do with it. This was a hot mess. Actually, it wasn’t even hot. 

So it’s Djokovic and Nadal in the Parisien semi, after both of them scored victories over the Sod and Tsonga. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to cry into my comfort blanket now. 

 

 

Good win for Rafa though, glad he has his first top 10 win since May. I’d be gladder if he wasn’t zeroing in on Poop.
Now where’s Federbear? I’m feeding him to a dog. 

xx dootsie

MRF/CRF: Good to know the Swiss tabloids aren’t doing nothing.

Roger, do me a favour and release some baby pictures, cos the tabloids in your country are hopelessly respectful of your privacy and THIS is the best they can do. 

 

 

Meanwhile, let us SQUEEEEEEE over those bundles of joy.