You lose. I lose. Remember?
Even by my own not-so-lofty standards, I was as zen as a little ninjaaaa about Woger’s loss.
Oh, don’t get me wrong: he was sucky. He was shanky. His forehand played PEEKABOO all match. He impersonated Furderer, Olderer, Shankerer, Failederer, Declinerer, Douchbaggerer, Cantconvertbreakpointerer. He channeled all his turdy alter egos to perfection and sucked hard, harder than a GIANT, SUCKING, OCTOPUS. And I am so, so sick of him looking delicious and playing revolting.
But being the incredibly petty person that I am, I take comfort in my prepubescent mentality that it’s okay if we suck a little, AS LONG AS EVERYONE ELSE SUCKS MORE.
Did Roger lose to Dodig after winning the first set 6-1, being up break in the second set, and twice in the third set? (Rafaaa whyyyyy?!)
Did Roger get schooled in straight sets by the ENTIRE NATION OF SOUTH AFRICA?
That’s right bitches. It’s time to dispel some facts and create wild rumours about Roger Federer.
1. TSGONA AGAIN? JO-WILFRIED IS SO IN FEDERER’S HEAD RIGHT NOW.
This is serious business, bitches. Federer losing to the same player twice, this takes us into unknown territory, a place we’ve never been before OH WAIT –
The fact is, Federer routinely loses to certain players consecutively before getting one back at them. Nadal aside, Djokovic, Murray, Nalbandian, Hewitt, Kolya, CANAS, Hrbaty THE TRUE GOAT OF TENNIS … the list goes on.
This is not to generalise Tsonga’s achievement today, but rather to put the hysteria and quick conclusion jumps in context.
2. FEDERER CANNOT DEAL WITH POWER TENNIS.
This is a pet peeve of mine.
Oh yes! Federer can’t deal with power tennis! He survives on the ATP tour at the humble position of World No 3 by breadsticking Olivier Rochus on a daily basis.
You may disagree with me on this, but players like Tsonga, Del Potro, Berdych, Soderling become unplayable every once in a while when they zone in and start playing their explosive brand of tennis instinctively and intuitively. No one could’ve beaten Tsonga in that third set today. This is not to excuse Federer’s emotional letdown in the third set, but rather to underscore Jo’s clean, simple and decisive shotmaking today.
3. ROGER LOST MOTIVATION IN THE THIRD SET.
I’m a little confused about this myself, because for about 3 games near the end of the second set, this match had elevated itself into the realm of awesome.
Every shot was so preciously spectacular, every point so uproariously entertaining that the entire nation of Canadia jizzed their pants in approval. Where did it all go?
More importantly, where did the pumped up, aggressive, determined Roger Federer go?
To the loo, bitches. TO THE LOO.
Just when momentum was on Federer’s side, just when Federer got back his mojo, HE WENT AND PEED IT ALL AWAY.
Next time Roger, I don’t care if you are so busting to go that the weight of your bladder is slowing down your footwork, KEEP IT IN WOGER. DON’T FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET.