Minding Your Ps, Your Queues, and Your Wimbledon Haikus

Those who braved the Wimbledon queue on Tuesday night received precious ducats to the All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club for Wednesday’s session of play on the most hallowed grounds in tennis. Spectators who gained entry to this sport’s most prestigious event were fittingly reminded of the enduring reason why matches are won and lost.

Why did Ernests Gulbis… pull an Ernests Gulbis against Jerzy Janowicz? Why did Caroline Wozniacki (now known to this writer as “Bus Driver” — she wants to know if chair umpires attended school, after all…) continue her downward spiral with a first-round exit against Tamira Paszek?

Why did Tsvetana Pironkova – to the immense relief of Ye Olde Picket Fence Blog’s Owner And Publisher – not win a single one of her five set points against Maria Sharapova?

Why did Madame Li bow out in the first week of yet another major, giving the punditocracy yet more reason to view her 2011 as more aberration than indicator?

Why did Samantha Jane Stosur lose in the second round… and not shock anybody as a result?

Why did Ryan Harrison lose all six of his break points on Novak Djokovic’s serve, while Nole converted all three of his break point chances?

Why did Stanley Wawrinka lose to the rapidly declining, anything-but-confident, never-made-for-grass version of Jurgen Melzer?

And, in a bonus scenario not connected to day three at Wimbledon, why (on Monday) did Tomas Berdych lose three out of three tiebreakers and bow out in the first round of at least one major tournament for his SIXTH STRAIGHT YEAR and his EIGHTH YEAR OUT OF NINE AT THE MAJORS?

All those questions can be answered thusly: the mind. It’s all about the mind.

Rafa, Nole, Masha, and Fed? Minds of titanium.

Just about everyone else right now? A chicken-fried cranium.

And that, Picket Fencers, is your tennis lesson for the day at The Championships.

Now, some haikus for your reading pleasure:

Federer in France

Djokovic in London town

Hard draws become cake


Gulbis is so weak

Can’t wear the pants, so to speak

Jerzy wore him (down)


Li Na, Na Li – meh

Craziness and old age don’t

Make a tennis mix


Pironkova won

Lots of points in that first set

‘Cept for the big ones.


What of “Dootsville” now?

Advance Australia fair?

Let’s just move on (UGH!).


Bernard Tomic calls

Wile E. Coyote to mind:

Thinks he’s smart, but NO!


Biggest Fed concern:

(Well, other than Djokovic)

Get Gilles Simon out!


Speaking of Simon:

He just lost some female fans

In the tennis world


Wimbledon is not

Running this event with brains:

Close the roof in rain!


Aggie Radwanska,

A major semifinal

Needs to be gained here


Tomas Berdych lost

Gulbis thinks that this Czech guy

Underachieves much.


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About Matt Zemek

Sportswriter, political writer, tennis commentator... and more.

One response to “Minding Your Ps, Your Queues, and Your Wimbledon Haikus”

  1. flo says :

    Wozniacki = truancy officer. Li Na winning RG was an aberration but the route she took (Kvitova, Azarenka, Sharapova, Schiavone) means no asterisks. In fact, it deserves an anti-asterisk.

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