Federporn Friday: U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi.

Since my “lack of respect” for Roger Federer is clearly the worst kept secret in twittersphere, I’ve decided to come clean.

Roger, you and I, we need to talk. Actually, just repeat after me:

“I shall not play like Ferd the turd, and get broken in my first service game.”

“I shall not go to Shankville in the first set and put Dootsie through hell in the second.”

“I shall change my shirt more often to allow maximum Monkey sightings.”

“I shall never attempt man-bangs again for as long as I live.”


I was going to do something related to chocolate swirls, but as his punishment for losing today, I am putting you all through a postful of the ugliest Federer pictures I could get my hands on. Oh yeth, hell hath no fury like Dootsie enraged.


Radek Stepanek ain’t got nothing on this guy. Nothing at all.



The nose. It kills me. *pain*



Back in the days when Fed looked like a country bumpkin next to Candy Roddick.






Gretchen, stop trying to make short shorts happen. They’re not going to happen!



Yeah, that was my expression during the match today. I’m glad you know. 




Last, but not least: Monkey, aged 25-and-a-half. 



Still not having your babies!

xx doots



36 responses to “Federporn Friday: U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi.”

  1. mgasol says :

    now that is a post. haha. Federer will be begging for your mercy after this. It just saddens me that my man (JMDPee to you) is somehow involved in this blasphemous unfolding of events. I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive him. Delpo does love Federer, but sometimes, one have to move on from being Federer’s bitch, you know? Fed’s harem is composed of 200++ other ATP players and not to mention his main concubine, Stan. So, it is kinda hard to get Fed’s attention. However, to be one of the few players who can actually beat TMF, now that is rare. So you see, Delpoop just wants some of the Fed attention, that’s all. 😀

    • dootsiez says :

      Err I don’t want Fed to give JMDPee attention *sob sob sob*

      And what’s wrong with being Fed’s bitch? Trust me mgasol, there’s nothing else in the world I’d rather be!

  2. Ann says :

    You are charming in your fury. 😉

    So what is it about del Potro? This is twice in a row that we’ve seen Roger just not be able to get it together against him. Is Fed so steeped in the Gillette aesthetic that he can’t see past the facial fuzz? (And like, what’s up with that, anyway? Did no one ever bother telling Juan Martin that he’s old enough to shave now?)

    My husband’s comment during the match: “It must kill Federer to lose to a slob.” Thanks, honey, that’s helpful. Not.

    • mgasol says :

      regarding the facial hair, I’ve noticed a trend with Del Potro. He will come to every tournament clean-shaven and then not shave for the remainder of the tournament. Thus, in his first round matches, he’s usually hair-free and then gradually transform into a werewolf by tournament’s end. I reckon it has to do with superstition or something. Anyway, he looks good either way (sorry, dootz, had to say it) . 🙂

      • whynotme says :

        Interesting observation. Well anyway to me it’s just another good reason among many others to want him out of the tournaments :p

      • dootsiez says :

        Fed used to be a slob too Ann, in his pre-Gillette days. Just look at him in the first pic!

        mgasol, I don’t get the delPee hotness part at all, but I’ve heard a lot of players have superstitions where they dont shave during tournaments. It’s meant to be bad luck

  3. Tinuviel says :

    “Gretchen, stop trying to make short shorts happen. They’re not going to happen!”

    That line is from ‘Mean Girls.’ haha. You clearly are mad at the Ferd.

    And the arms pic looks like he’s channeling old sleeveless-and-pirate-pants Rafa.

    • dootsiez says :

      Yup. When I start quoting Mean Girls, then I’m not in a happy place. And Roger was actually teasing Agassi in those photos!

  4. JFk says :

    Noooo. WHYYYYYYY did he have to lose to Del Po so we could just have a fun happy gorgeous Federporn Friday? *sobs*

  5. pban says :

    Knew it, with the year end no.1 secured there would be a let down. Fed knew that he basically had to win a set hence the desperation in the second set tiebreaker. What is it with Argentines and Fed? Bandy and now del poop…..tennis has a bleak future indeed if this monstrous hitting is what lies in store. 😦

    • Alex says :

      Yeah, that’s what I think too. If THIS 100+mph forehands are going to be a regular feature tennis will become very boring indeed. I just don’t know what anyone can do to defuse DelPoop.

      • pban says :

        What is worrisome is the fact that brute power never bothered him before, but his own service let him down again . He doublefaulted in each of the games in which he was broken. Ithink he has to slow the pace, he must realize that he cannot outhit delpoop…..mixing up the spins should also help. First and foremost he should serve better,it was crap once again at crucial junctures.

      • dootsiez says :

        2 ways to defuse del Poop imo, either beat him with guile – get on top of the point early, construct it before you give him time to pound a forehand or beat him with accuracy, like the first set against Marin Cilic at the US Open

        But I agree with pban here. I actually thought Roger lost out on the basics today – serves, his returns weren’t exactly fantastic. He should honestly think about approaching JMDPee the way he would approach a big server – get that return nice and low.

  6. Blue says :

    *sob* You are mean.

  7. whynotme says :

    LMAO at the pictures !!! So much laughing at 7am bodes well for the rest of the day ! Oh, Roger. Why do I still love you and your dorkiness anyway ?! Me, a masochist ? Nooooo way *in denial*

    And I floved the “lack of respect in twittersphere” part, sweet revenge 😀 Can’t believe he actually said that to you at least twice ! You, not a real fan of Roger ?? Well what is a real fan anyway ? Hate those people who always think they know better than everyone else !!

    • dootsiez says :

      Clearly I’m getting old! Never thought I’d live to see the day when I’m getting accused of not being fan-enough for Roger. I’m considering becoming a double agent for the vamos brigade now!

  8. Wellspring says :

    You are VERY mean.

    I was expecting to be cheered up 😦 At least I love the country bumpkin pic. There must be something about Rog in blue.

  9. ChocolateAddict says :

    :O Hahaha where on earth did you find these photos? I don’t think anyone wanted to see them 😛 Cheer up people! Roger is through and that’s what matters 😀 😀

  10. Salma says :

    Was that Mirka next to Roger in the first pic?

    • dootsiez says :

      No no! Hehehe Mirka was 100X hotter than Fed back in those days. That was just a fan.

      • FortuneCookie says :

        Yup this is what Mirka looked like when her and Fed got together…

        It reminds me of a comment I read on a site one time when someone was criticising Mirka’s weight *yawn…* and implying she was a gold digger,and someone else responded with the best comment EVAH 😛
        “Come on,Mirka clearly loves Roger,when she started going out with him he looked like a triangle with a nose”
        HA!And apparently in like 2001 or something she came 3rd in a sexiest WTA players poll(methinks Hantuchova won?)

        • FortuneCookie says :

          Why did it go to ‘awaiting moderation’,my TypePad account went kinda haywire and it started asking for WordPress details,I have a WordPress account to,but don’t really use it… :S

        • dootsiez says :

          Ah there a the link to a picture in it, wordpress got suspicious and thought it was porn or viagra or something. Ironic in a post about Federporn, huh?

          And holy smokes, Mirka was hot! I can totally why Fed was hangin’ around her at the Olympics heh?

          Triangle with a nose. LMAOO!

        • Kian says :

          she was fourth and hantuchova won.

      • FortuneCookie says :

        Haha oops,sorry about that!
        Yeah she was,I always think it’s ridiculous when people are like ‘why is he with her?’,when earlier on other ATP/WTA players must have kind of thought,’why is she with him??’
        But both of them clearly love each other inside and out,which is why they’re so solid 🙂

  11. EP says :

    Oh my god… that jersey Roger is wearing is the jersey of the most hated hockey team in my city (yes, I’m from Canada). Like… words cannot describe how much I hate that team. Not family friendly ones anyay….

    I can’t believe Roger would do that to me… That is truly the most horrendous thing I have seen in a long time.

    *runs off sobbing*

  12. Lily says :

    Brrrr !
    I still want having his babies but I’am not sure to know why.

  13. FortuneCookie says :

    I remember saying the other day how Fed once threatened to dye his hair red and Mirka stopped him?Ummm,judging from the 6th and 7th pics are we entirely sure Mirka was successful??
    Maybe it’s just the light,but yeesh I’m glad I never remember Fed having that hair colour,and I’m glad! 😛

  14. Mia says :

    Sigh, Roger’s mind already in lalaland. Davydenko’s getting his first win.

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